Tuesday, October 7, 2014

When you know, you just KNOW

Good Morning,

It's almost 8am on this wonderfully foggy Tuesday morning in Seattle. I've been awake since 4am and it's not exactly my ideal situation. I've just started my fall quarter in culinary school and I should be standing in a hot kitchen preparing seven different sides to accompany three very different main dishes. But I'm not... I'm sitting in my living room, listening to a little bit of Highway Evangelism, and steeping some coffee in my French Press.

The disappointment from my team mates was a little bit of a sting when I made the announcement that I would be dropping the class as soon as the Chef finished his lecture. But, they're good people- they'll get over my decision to drop out of the class. You know, once they wake up or their caffeine kicks in, standing in the dish pit like zombies, or on the walk to south campus for our 1230 management class this afternoon.

I think one of the most important things about the college experience is not only to challenge yourself, but to understand what kind of student you are and to exercise the discipline necessary to be successful. This situation is not permanent, that's kind of brilliant. The long days, hours of homework, drama of clashing team members, burns, bruises, and balancing work and school- it's all a lot of stuff to deal with.

For me, I'm the kind of student who strives for as close to perfection as possible. This is MY education, my learning experience, my passion. There are things that I have to do to get this degree and a few of these requirements are not exactly my cup of tea. For those scenarios that I cannot directly control (sitting through college Algebra, or writing a thesis for English Composition), I am capable of sucking it up and just doing it.

However, I am a stickler for the parts of my education that I can control. I can control my schedule and the lab classes I enroll in. Cooking is my passion and if I were to follow the masses and put myself in a situation where I'm unhappy in the kitchen, then what is the point? I want every quarter to be as enjoyable as possible. This quarter the main focus is on knocking out the management (lecture) classes that will help me set a good foundation for running the business side of a kitchen. But because this is CULINARY school, it is ideal to also be in a kitchen setting to coincide with the literature that I'm studying.

My Mondays this quarter are all about sustainable purchasing and cost control. Breaking down menus into sub recipes and crunching numbers to figure out how much revenue is needed to sustain a business. I mean, this is important stuff! This is taking investor's money and being responsible for employees' salaries all while making sure the customers are receiving high quality food that is properly acquired and safely produced. I'm sitting in lecture classes for 9 hours, just working with numbers, and importing, exporting, wholesale, retail, food, beverage operations, etc. I don't know if that sounds like fun to you guys, but it's satisfying to be accurate (down to the penny) in regards to knowing the ins and outs of operating a business in the food industry.

With all that being said, to start my Tuesday morning at 4am means that I am taking away from my ability to successfully operate as a human. Haha. After I got home at 5pm yesterday evening, I prepared dinner and started on my homework assignments. There is a lot of research that goes into cost control, sustainability, purchasing, and basic accounting (thank you Excel). So much so, that I didn't finish my homework until almost 10pm. Then I had to prep for Tuesday classes. Lab then lecture- I already knew as I was going over all my recipes last night (that I have already researched and studied over the weekend) that this wasn't going to be optimal for my education.

I made the decision last night to drop this class but to be sure, I went to class this morning anyway. I wanted to validate my decision by showing up and taking in the experience of standing there, with my low energy level (I went to the gym at 4:30am this morning) and to see how much I could actually pay attention. I zoned out about 30 times in the 20 minutes the chef was going over how this course was going to play out. The responsibilities as a student chef during this particular course at 0630 in the morning, are more than I'm able to commit to.

This chef is right up my alley though. He's firm, clear about his expectations, and means business. At 0630 after my Monday schedule- I know that I'm not ready to tackle this monster just yet. So, when you know..... you just know. And I know without a doubt that postponing this class is the right move for me. It's not a cop out or a lack of motivation, it's simply knowing what kind of student I am and exercising my discipline to ensure my overall success.

Now, coffee is ready- there are mad amounts of dishes that need my attention and contracts that must be drawn up for work. All of which would have been done into the wee hours of Wednesday morning had I made the poor decision to stay in my lab class this morning.

I hope everyone's start of fall is as wonderful as a giant soy pumpkin spice latte. Until next time, hugs and kisses.


Thursday, September 4, 2014

To my Best Friend, on our would-have-been 10th anniversary

My Dearest L, 

It’s September 4th, quarter past midnight. Ten years ago on this day, we were two eager and in love teenagers dealing with the gross humidity of San Antonio. You were at Medina, and I was sleeping on a very worn in bed at Papa’s house. My heart was racing because I knew that when the morning came, I would be able to hold your hand as we promised each other to spend the rest of our days together. I wasn’t afraid though. I had zero doubts about us. I was utterly certain you were the person I wanted to grow old with. Do you remember how I fell in love with the smell of yellow roses that morning? I remember how uncomfortable you felt in your blues, but my goodness you looked so handsome. I remember sitting in the passenger’s seat of the Alero, and thinking to myself how lucky I am to have earned your love. And how excited I was to start our crazy adventures. Ha! Little did we know our life would be one hell of a wild ride. Even at 18, I knew I was the luckiest girl in the world because you picked me. 

You have grown into the most incredible man I have ever known. From your tech school graduation through all your promotions; your countless TDYs and handful of life changing deployments, you have conquered every obstacle thrown your way with humility. As busy as you’ve been with work, taking time to maintain your individuality, family drama, friend drama, cars, cats, all my career changes, and moving six times between three counties and four states, I never once felt out of place because you were my home. My rock. You have always made sure I was properly taken care of. You have kept every single promise since we were 16, and I have always admired that about you. Words cannot express my appreciation and gratitude for everything you’ve done for me and for us. 

This last year has been interesting to say the least. You and I have gone through some serious shit since we decided to split. But because of the man you are, I still have zero doubts about us. We were best friends for so many years and I believe we will remain close until the day we die. Growing old with you is still a reality- we’re just accomplishing that a little differently than we originally planned. Which is ok.

My wish for you on this day, and every year that follows, is that you are filled with the kind of happy memories from our beautiful story to propel you to give love another chance. The way you’ve loved me for so many years brings tears to my eyes because it would be a shame if you don’t ever share that side of you with somebody else. The sparkle in your baby blues when you’re in love is pure bliss and I’ll never forget what that looks like. And I’ll always remain grateful that you gave me the chance to be your wife. 

With all my love, today and always,


Sunday, June 22, 2014

First quarter of college and what I've learned about myself

It's day 3 of Summer break (and the first real day of Summer in general) in sunny Seattle. It's been a very rejuvenating weekend for me already. My first priority when summer break came was to catch up on sleep. I haven't left my bed in three days. Well, besides to eat- which I promptly returned to bed right after. I would have eaten in bed, except my bed is all white and that would be dumb.

My intention for this post is to highlight some points throughout the last 11 weeks of culinary school that really helped me discover some things about myself.

Discovery point number 1: I am a terrible procrastinator. I have always been a star student. I have always liked school. So it was very interesting to find out that I procrastinate like the best of them. The whole idea of "working best under pressure" is a total lie in my case. I do not work well under pressure. I mean, sure- my research papers and big projects all came out with outstanding grades but the stress from cramming nights on end is just not worth it. In a real working environment, I can handle deadlines and that kind of stress like nothing but when it comes to self motivating, like behind closed doors- I pretty much fall apart. It's not the best color on me.

Discovery point number 2: I should not multi-task. I say this with a little reluctance. I know for a fact that I'm super rad at multi-tasking. I'm rather organized as is, but multi-tasking in a procrastinator's mind set is disastrous! I've learned that I should tackle one assignment at a time because it is so easy to have one class bleed into the others and it makes me sound like a crazy person. I was writing a research paper about the use of mind-altering substances and their effects of the music listening experience and all of a sudden I'm writing about fucken velvety smoothness of cream soups... and what defines a good quality fish stock. A lot of editing had to happen to get that paper back on track.

Discovery point number 3: Boys are the devil.  Let me explain: I am a text book Leo Lady. I am a ridiculously confident elitist who absolutely loves attention. I don't need the attention, and to be honest it sort of is irritating when it comes at me from 900 billion directions (slight exaggeration). I like the attention to come from ONE genuine source and college guys (and these Seattle men in general) sort of cheapen the idea because it's like they give me attention just because I'm a female? But what I've discovered is that they (as a collective) give the attention not because they're truly interested in me- they do it to get my attention in return. First off- gross. I've actually been called an uptight bitch because I refused to give into the advances of these boys. So, sure- I'm "uptight" because my only focus is school. But to call me a "Bitch" ok- a little harsh but again, I'm not going to apologize for not being interested in wasting time with some random hook up. That's not who I am. So "fuck you."

Discovery point number 4: College is exhausting. Full time college student can be rough. I think for me, the reason why it was so exhausting both mentally and physically is because I can't seem to just do the bare minimum. This is also why I cram for hours on end and haven't crawled into bed any earlier than 2am for the past 11 weeks. It's not a bad thing, but I wish they would have warned me during orientation. "Sleep as much as you can before school starts- because you won't get much until your next break." That is solid advice.

Discovery point number 5: The instructors are people too. Perhaps I lucked out? But I went in with the mindset that the instructors were going to be uptight DBags who didn't give two fucks about me as an individual. But boy, was I totally wrong. I appreciate that I was able to converse with my instructors in a fashion that was rather enjoyable. While in class, they were my instructors- I was there to gain information and knowledge which they all shared very well. But after hours, they were all able to pull off their chef's hats and be normal people. Who like to drink and talk smack about people and shit they've experienced at the concerts they attended over the weekend. It was nice to see that they are professional yet also able to be down to earth. Much respect.

Discovery point number 6: Trusting my judgement. I tend to over think many things. It's the control freak in me that prevents me from just letting things run their course. But, this past quarter I definitely learned to just go with my gut. About school, about people, about myself. I think this was the most significant lesson I've learned thus far. Husband always had such a knack for reading people and situations and I relied on that for so many years when it came to making my own decisions. I didn't think I had it in me to make good judgement calls on my own because I never really had to. But, I've learned that I'm able to sift through the bullshit and come out on the other side better for it.

All in all- first quarter was a success! I've made a handful of good friends, established a great rapport with my instructors, and started to really feel like I'm doing something good for myself. I'm grateful for the rest of break (my friend only gets like 3 days off between quarters, I got three weeks!) I've got a couple concerts that I want to check out- not exactly like concert week, but I'll take what I can get. And I'm actually excited about next quarter so that's awesome.

I hope your summer kicked off well, and until next time... Much love!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

When letting go means more than just moving on

Break ups can be one of the toughest things we deal with as adults. Especially when that break up is between best friends, soul mates even. It's one thing to dissolve a marriage based on logical and mutual decisions, but a whole other slew of difficulties when letting go of an irreplaceable friendship.

The truth is people change. No matter how you feel at that moment in time when promises are made the fact is that people change and those promises fall through the cracks. Perhaps it's due to all kinds of outside and uncontrollable circumstances like chaotic schedules, opposite time zones, pure exhaustion from just living life... but truly, it boils down to the simple lack of trying. Which is so sad.

There has to be more than just the desire to remain in each others' lives. Staying friends after the fact has such a low success rate because people often (and quickly) forget that just because you are no longer together (physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.) doesn't mean that their value and importance changes. I still value my best friend like the most precious gem on earth. Because he really is. To me, he will always be my alpha, my rock, the one person who I believe I've connected with in a way that is unmatched by everyone else in my life.

Am I still in love with him? No. Am I holding onto the possibility of getting back together? No. The decision to go our separate ways was not hasty. We thought every. single. thing. through, over and over again for a very long time. In the end we split with nothing but well wishes for each other and we truly were happy about the decision.

But, because this is MY blog and only my side of the story it seems as though the way I speak about Husband confuses people. The fact that I still call him "Husband" confuses people since he has not been my husband for quite some time now. The truth is- I've accepted the divorce. I've accepted the new lives we now live. I've accepted that I am no longer be his number one priority. But, that doesn't change the fact that this man has been such a huge and positive influence in my life. A lot about who I am and all the success I've had in life is due in part to him and his support. His value to me doesn't change just because our titles have.

This is a one sided view on the matter because I haven't had the opportunity to speak to Husband in several weeks now. That is the most heart breaking part- we promised that we would stay active in each others' lives. But, with school and work, and trying to find a way to stand on my own feet without riding the coat tails of his reputation our schedules have just gotten completely out of sync. The more time that goes by without us talking, the easier it is to forget to keep in touch...

My biggest fear is that huge advances in our careers are happening and it'll be swept under the rug because we've just lost touch. I know what I mean to Husband. I know that he holds me in high regard and his love for me will never end. But, as my best friend- something he was before we started dating, it's disappointing that I can't share the significant things in my life with him just because we are "too busy."

The thought of dating someone scares me. I don't know how to date and to be honest I'm not remotely interested in it. Right now. Husband, however, seems to have figured out a way to jump right back on the saddle. My feelings on it are truly positive and I'm excited for him. I was afraid that he would shut out the possibility of ever falling in love again. But, I'm glad to see that he is doing well and actively pursuing new experiences for himself. Perhaps that is why I have no choice but to let go.

I have no choice but to let go of the man I thought I know better than anyone else. I have to let go of my best friend so that he can become someone else's alpha, someone else's rock. I have moved on from the relationship. I have moved on from that fairy tale lifestyle he so willingly provided for me for well over a decade. I have accepted that my life is in my hands and whether I fail or succeed, it is only on me. What I  didn't realize though, is that I wasn't ready to let go of my best friend.

This isn't a pity party post. I thought I was someone important to him. I gave my all to him, to our marriage, and for many years I supported and encouraged him to follow his dreams. I can no longer do that for him. I would have loved to grow old and one day sit on a porch some where and share in all my life's ups and downs with my best friend. But he has given me no choice but to let go, completely and without regret, forever. Letting him go means letting go of so many pieces of who I am. But it's time... I must breathe deep, close my eyes and let the memory of him blow away in the wind.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Learning how to: College, the artsy kind

This is my first week of a legit college experience and let me tell you, it feels great! I'm sure as the semester goes along, my attitude will vary but as of right now I'm riding this high for as long as I can. The weather is so-so, which I believe plays a huge part in how I classify the success of the day. Day one, was bright and sunny and we even had class outside in a park not too far from school. Day 2, was a bit more on the dry and technical side as far as academics goes plus it was dark and raining. But today, again, it's bright and sunny and I get to play in the kitchen all night. So far, so good!

I was a tad bit afraid of how I would come across to my peers because I can be very dark with my humor and some would even say inappropriate. But, I've learned from a dear friend (Cham Cham) that as long as I say it with a smile, I can probably get away with it. Haha! He's got a valid point though and I know this now from personal experience.

You know how in high school you tend to gravitate towards those just like you? You form cliques and little adolescent gangs of carbon copies and think "Hey, I'm rad because everyone I hang out with thinks so too?" Well, in my high school experience, I was definitely not that girl. I applied myself vigorously in high school. I studied hard, always did my homework, showed up on time and I even dressed the part. I'm talking business suits and a damn soft leather briefcase. But the people I hung out with were so not like that.

First off, I was raised by boys. I'm talking the kind of boys who ride dirt bikes, played with guns in the jungle, drank beer and smoked weed. I don't have any biological sisters so I never had a Barbie Doll, played dress up, or had slumber parties with caboodles and pictures of pop stars plastered around my room. To be honest, I didn't even have my own room until I was in high school and my brothers moved away. So, I don't necessarily know how to naturally play well with girls.

This is the foundation of the kind of girl I am. I am comfortable around that kind of masculine environment. It sounds so slutty to say "Oh, I only have male friends." But it's primarily true in my case. As a disclosure, I do have a handful of amazing women in my life. These women are the kind of women who also have a very unique background. But what I think is most common among my very few girlfriends is that they are all intelligent and open minded. Which, I like to be believe rings true for myself.

Anyway, so my first day of college I have a lecture class. Basically, we sit in groups and discuss topics that don't necessarily have a right or wrong answer. I always get nervous in this kind of environment because, assessing the line up of potential team mates I can already spot the clusters that are so stereotypical of a high school clique. Given that I am enrolled in an Art School, I thought that my peers would surprise me and link up with other students unlike themselves. As it turns out, I was wrong. All the girls in Fashion linked up, all the music dudes linked up, all the nerdy (and I say this with admiration) gamer kinds huddled in the corner. And BOOM- there I am, standing alone, off to the side and perfectly content with it.

To my surprise, a flock of varied guys who don't necessarily visually fit in to the other groups start making their way towards me. Aha! I have assembled my sweet gang of misfits, without even trying. I like it already. Now, maybe there is some sort of invisible beacon that sends out a signal to other military related people because the one thing we all have in common is just that- the military. There is NOTHING about myself that screams military anything so I think it's interesting that I find myself surrounded by these types pretty frequently. But, to be honest I don't mind these particular guys. They all have a pretty well rounded idea of life and how to "go with the flow" yet still maintain who they are and what they believe. I like that we had an unbelievably deep conversation and no body got heated to the point where punches were thrown. Again, I like. Strong personalities yet the ability to keep an open mind and accept the idea that we can disagree without being dicks to one another. And I just had an epiphany- I AM in a clique, technically. Damn it! Hahaha, oh well.

Day two. I'm in a class full of culinary students. This is where I feel more at ease. Although, I was under the assumption that once again when we break off into groups the military folks will somehow smell it on me and come my way. But to stop that from happening, I was proactive this time. I sought out someone who I knew without a doubt had no military affiliation and started up a conversation. We don't have much in common which makes for a very interesting partner. I get to learn all kinds of new perspectives from her and I hope I get to teach her a thing or two myself. And yes, I purposely chose a girl. Going against the grain here- it's what I want most out of college, at least socially.

At the end of the night, I was bidding my farewells to a rockstar group. The two military dudes in my class did eventually find me, they're cool though and the others I'm content with. They have great life stories, great life ambitions, pretty similar sense of humor, and they all seem to have a willingness to be open minded.

What I've learned about myself so far is that even though my life has not really been this structured in a long time, I immediately fell right back into the mindset I had in high school. I do not procrastinate (something I prepared to battle with for the first couple semesters), I read with excitement (even though reading 90+ pages on resume building and cover letter etiquette makes me want to kill myself), and I knock out homework on the same day. I was skeptical about how I would readjust to college life but so far, I'm functioning off of muscle memory and if history repeats itself- I will be on that Dean's list in no time!

More to come as the weeks unfold. I hope you stick with me on this journey. Until next time, have an amazing day.


Daily Nugget: When you actively pursue your passion, there is a glow that emits from within. You might not think anything of it, but be careful because this glow can be very attractive to people. Don't lose focus of your objectives just because you're getting more attention than you're used to. And also, floss.

Friday, April 4, 2014

March Favorites

March Faves!
My ode to NYX Cosmetics

Face: This is incredible. I have used this product on the daily and it keeps my makeup in place, all day long and looking fresh. I've been rained on, I've had the sun beat down on me, I've been kept captive in a fluorescent room for hours, and nothing melts off my face when I use this little guy.

Eyes: Love in Paris palette in "Pardon my French" I love these colors so much! I went to Phoenix a couple weeks ago and this was the only eyeshadow palette I brought with me. I can achieve really chill, natural looks as well as more bold and dramatic. It's super pigmented (something very consistent with NYX) and although there are more shimmery/glittery shades, I enjoy it because it is spring time and I feel sparkly eyes are ok even for those of us pushing 30. 
Lips: The soft matte lip cream has been my go to this past March. There was something weird about the formula when I tried it a couple years back that I didn't like. Or perhaps it was the color, but I've been reaching for this on the reg. I love love love the color Milan, it's a great cool pink that is like a "my lips but much much better" shade that works well with the golds and browns I've been using for my eyes.

Body: St. Tropez has always been on my radar, thanks to Kandee Johnson. But, I'm naturally pretty tan so I never really went crazy with the self tanners. I mean, I'll use it every now and again during the winter months if I'm going to be rocking a dress or something but lately this bronzing mousse has been in heavy rotation. Unlike other self tanners, this truly does keep me bronzed instead of slightly orange.

As far as hair, nails, and clothing are concerned- I didn't really see a pattern that constitutes a favorite for this month. I haven't really done anything differently with my hair, just wash and let air dry for a shaggy long bob kind of thing. Nails, varied throughout the month- I just did a lot of pastel colors for spring, but no favorite. And clothing, well, I was bouncing back and forth between Seattle and Phoenix weather so again- nothing that qualifies as a favorite for the month of March.

Music: As much as I hate to admit it- I've been listening to a shit ton of reggae dub step this month. I mean, I'm not actively sitting around and b-boppin' to it, I just would throw it on while I'm getting ready or cooking. This is all Hufflepuff's fault.

Food: I think the only food that I've consistently been eating has to be fish. Like sushi Friday's. Because it's lent season and in Catholicism, we don't eat meat on Fridays. So that sort of just became my food for the month. Lots of mahi, tilapia, cod, salmon, tuna. Boosh.

Saturday, March 8, 2014

My new (creepy) hobby

Let me set the scene for you lovely readers.

Right now, I'm sitting in a bar and it's the middle of the night on this glorious and cold Saturday. I'm having some grub before heading to a show. 

I inadvertently chose a spot next to a couple.  Tonight is their first date. I know this because for the past half hour they have been talking about the basics. You know, "where you're from", "siblings", "college experiences", "life goals", "most awesome vacation", etc. 

So in between bites of this delicious bbq chicken sandwich, I try to hide my giggles to their conversation by taking 900 sips a second of my San Pelligrino. It's working so far. But I have to wrap this up quickly since I've been nursing this sandwich for almost an hour and it's starting to look weird. 

How completely awkward this whole situation would be for me. I have been listening intently on his responses because he's trying so hard to come off as a cool, hip, badass. And she's trying to project this hard core, high speed, kind of badass chick who can totally hang with the dudes. They are both not badass by any stretch of the imagination. Even for common folk. 

This "fly in the wall" experience has traumatized me. I will never go on a legit date for as long as I live. I would have tapped out on minute 6 of this date if I were her. First off he chose to wear a tomato red polo and khakis. On a first date. At a bar. 

Not saying that I'm so vain where I would immediately dismiss someone based off of what he was wearing. However, within 10 minutes he no shit started talking about wizards and then followed it up with video games and the hard knock life of a fraternity. He's seen his roommate naked. "It gets crazy." Apparently. 

Now the girl, I groove on her. She takes her time in responding and it seems like she is really into him. She's only laughed a handful of times though and he's been prefacing many of his anecdotes with "let me tell you something super funny..." She fake laughed every single time. I, however, real laughed. But since I've been clicking away on this here smartphone it seems as though I'm having a super comical convo with a friend. Which I am not...

Anyway, I'm done eating and now I have to go to the bathroom. 2 liters of acqua frizzante will do that to a girl. But, I've enjoyed myself so much that now this is what I will do to pass the time before I have to go out and do things. And I will write all about it.

Just for your information. He works at a restaurant and she is a bartender. They are both new to the area. She has no siblings and he has a bunch of brothers. I'm guessing he's talking about his fraternity brothers. He talked about those guys a lot. And how he can knock back tequila like it's going out of style... Life goals for the both of them are the same which I think is promising. Get a good job where they can both travel to exotic places like Florida and Alaska. They no shit said exotic and Florida in the same sentence. Haha they crack me up.

God, I miss my friends.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Behind the Blog

Here are the final 8 days of Fat Mum Slim's Photo a day challenge prompts. 

Today, the prompt was "reflection". To be honest I've had one hell of a shit day and I just didn't feel like taking a picture of my reflection. Simply because the image would reflect either a really sad face or this one... my signature 'bitch' face. Sorry friends. I tried to crack a smile but it was so fake that it just upset me even more. BTW- I'm holding Too Faced Chocolate Soleil bronzer and it is amazing. Not only does it smell like chocolate, but it tastes like it too. I discovered this by accident. 

Day 27: My view from the rooftop. Looking over Elliot Bay and into downtown Seattle. 

Day 26: I was supposed to take a picture of "light" and it just so happened that I was sitting in rush hour traffic on the way to the east side to hang with some friends and I look up and see this thing. It illuminates bright orange at night time but such a lucky shot either way. 

Day 25: The prompt was "cut" and I don't have enough hair to get another hair cut. I already had food cooked, so I wasn't going to be cutting veggies or anything. And I sure as shit was not about to get all emo and cut my wrists for the sake of "art" so I did a word play. My caption was "Cut the shit, Clouds." Because the sun finally came out of hiding after 18 straight days of rain but the clouds kept blocking the rays.

Day 24: Half was the prompt. I did a quick sketch and wrote out a little snippet on the other side of her face but decided to just not reveal all that much about my current state of reflection on that day. 

Day 23: This is where I relax. It was a super lazy Sunday. Did absolutely nothing until 6pm. And all I did was put pants on and drive 20 minutes across the bridge to the east side to go grocery shopping for a shit ton of chicken and turkey, and coffee. And beer. 

Day 22: It was weird and discouraging to try to capture an "act of kindness" so I was about to skip that day. But, I was hanging out with a friend and he totally surprised me with this sweet little treat. It was a very delicious chocolate filled and dipped fig from Fran's chocolates. What are the odds???

Day 21: I love to read. But, usually I go for more captivating stories. However, I was pleasantly surprised with Mindy's book. It is funny (prompt for the day) because I can relate to her on several levels. 

Well, that wraps it up for this month's photo challenge. Hope you enjoyed the pics. And if you are not following me on Instagram yet- you totally should! 

Daily Nugget: When you're really pissed off about something, give yourself a little bit of time to process it before making a move. Thinking logically in a state of utter rage is one of the most challenging things I've ever had to do. Do not tarnish your character simply because you think the only way to cope is to do something just as disgusting. You're better than that and today proved that so am I. 

Friday, February 28, 2014

February Favorites

Feb Faves!

Face: Burt's Bees facial cleansing towelettes. I started going to the gym in the afternoon and these are awesome as an afternoon facial refresher for those days that I have to be somewhere immediately after my workout.

Eyes: This has to be one of my all time favorite trios. I remember using this in high school. I've rediscovered my love for the CG trio in Golden Sunset. Been rocking golden eyes all month.

Lips: I'm a huge fan of Revlon lippies. So, when they came out with their new line of Colorburst lip balms (Matte and Lacquer) I had to get my hands on them. I picked up the shade in Coquette and I love love love it. It's a pretty pink that has fantastic potential to be a super bright pink. I use it sparingly and so one swipe gives me this 'my lips but better' look.

Body: I take baths like nobody's business. It's been really cold here lately, like bitterly so. My nighttime routine this month has been to make a drink and take a bath while listening to Pink Floyd's Wish you were here album. I found this awesome German honey and almond soak at Metropolitan Market and I've used it for every bath so far. The first time I used it, I was so relaxed that I passed out in the bath... I've adjusted the amount that I use now and so fear not- there will be no accidental drownings in this here flat.

Hair: So, my hair is growing out quite quickly and the velcro rollers are great. But, I have to give mad props to my sweet teasing comb this month. The one I picked up is by Cricket and the variations in bristle length do a great job at getting my hair teased with just a couple strokes. Makes the possibility of Peg Bundy helmet hair very attainable.

Nails: China Glaze vs OPI. Listen, I'm a fan of both but when I don't have the patience to sit there for 2 hours while my nails cure, I grab any bottle of China Glaze. I love how the formula sets up quickly and I don't have to worry about it chipping even without a top coat. This month, I've been rocking some wicked goth nails. China Glaze in Liquid Leather. Def Feb Fav.

Clothing: Um, I guess it has to be my Kyoto trench rain jacket from REI. The rain has been relentless this month and the cheery bright lime green keeps me from slitting my wrists. =P

Music: There are 3 songs that have been on constant repeat this month. Tegan and Sara's Not Tonight,  JR Aquino's cover of Drunk in Love by Beyonce, and Daniela Andrade's version of Crave you by Flight Facilities. Like constant replay... all day, everyday.

Food: Zesty pickles. Long story short, I had to wash my sheets at 2am because I was eating a jar of pickles in bed and things got out of control. They are so good.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Stability and security are in my future, right?

I'm not really the kind of person who is typically jealous. Of anything really. I always find it motivational when others accomplish things that I strive for. New car, fancy shoes, getting that degree, losing the weight, etc. Those are all things that can bring on a tinge of jealousy sure, but not for me. I would much rather celebrate your success than be jealous of it.

However, what I'm somewhat "jealous" of is the idea of what my life used to be like. (Haha, how much more narcissistic can I possibly be? I'm jealous of... myself.) *Sigh* Anyway, I can't seem to get over it and move the fuck on. I believe it's partially this (previously enchanting but now annoying) Seattle weather and partially the fact that I am STILL in limbo. I have a lot more time on my hands than I know what to do with.

One of my current hurdles is figuring out how to spend my time here wisely. When I'm at home, I clean. Since I have about an eighth of what I used to have, it's not a lot to clean. Clean clothes, clean dishes, clean floors, sheets, refrigerator, car... all of it. CLEAN.

Then I go out and explore. I've been in, out, up, down, left, right, and every other possible direction of this city and those cities nearby. And I've only really been here for a few months. I'm tourist'd out. So I plan trips outside the state. But those usually have to deal with other people and that means coordinating with their work and school schedules, flights, car rental, hotel stays, etc. so those are less of a 'whim' and more of a waiting game. Which brings me back to square one... how to spend my time here wisely.

So, it's been this giant rotating door scenario for weeks on end. And I just want to quit going around in circles and start sprinting forward. I deserve to sprint forward damn it. I've been excited for school to start for a really long time. Even though I only have about 7 weeks left before it starts, I'm "jealous" of those who get to go now. I shouldn't really put that in quotation marks... I am jealous.

Now, having all that out there for you to judge, what is my next step? Shed light on to me. Help me see the bigger picture. I know these posts are coming off with so much whining and complaining and for that I truly apologize. That is never my intent. But friends, I am struggling here. Struggling to find my place, struggling to keep my spirit afloat, fighting tooth and nail to not give up on this spectacular new plan. Send me as many happy thoughts and love vibes as you have in you. And thank you in advance. 

Daily Nugget: I'm going through this major blue phase. I have been gravitating to just the blue clothing in my closet. Just food for thought. And also, it's raining. Big surprise. Bleh. 

Friday, February 21, 2014

Behind the Blog

Day 20: Alki Lighthouse. Gorgeous day and I couldn't stand to be inside. So, I grabbed my 12 oz. soy sugar free Mexican Mocha and headed to the beach. I sat there for a little over an hour, just thinking of everything and nothing. It was a wonderful way to spend my afternoon. And to get a little home sick for the island.

Day 19: Spontaneity runs in my blood. A friend and I headed to the movies in the middle of the night. We watched The Monuments Men... in Bellevue.

Day 18: Seriously, I'm a coffee addict. The day's prompt was "magic" and coffee was the first thing to pop into my head.

Day 17: My absolute favorite vegetable.

Day 16: The prompt was "create" and I've been putting off painting this piece for weeks. So, what better time than any when my photo a day basically said "Get off your ass and create something!"

Day 15: My "drink of choice" ranges from a single glass of Gelisi Antonio Moscato, to a couple beers before bed, to Cuba Libres until I can't breathe. Honestly though, most days it is all about my liters of water but tonight- I chose Pom Ruski Soda and it was soooo good.

Day 14: By chance, I met a girl. The prompt shouldn't have been that difficult it was "red heart" and it was in fact V-day. But, me being me- I don't surround myself with that nonsense so when I met Chae and she just so happened to have a red heart tattoo- I couldn't deny that it was fate.

Day 13: This was a toughie. The prompt was "perfect" and although, I would have much rather posted a picture of my best friend given that he is in fact my idea of perfect in every way imaginable, I couldn't bring myself to do it. For one, it would have been an old picture and that sort of defeats the purpose of these challenges. So, after my chaotic day- I hunkered down on the couch with a glass of cab sav and picked up Inferno. And it really was the perfect way to end my day.

Day 12: "Out and about" was the prompt but as confident as I am, I really can't stand taking selflies when I'm actually out doing things. So, I stopped in for lunch in the middle of all my errands and copped out with this shot.

Day 11: MISTAKE. Let me just say. If you've never eaten Half Baked froyo, then I don't know what you're doing with your life. It's so simple, vanilla and chocolate but then it punches you in the face with morsels of cookie dough and brownie bits. The "froyo" of it all makes it seem like it's not too bad, but when you destroy an entire pint in one sitting, well then that's where the mistake lies.

Daily Nugget: Lying by omission is still lying. I don't like it, I don't like doing it, and I definitely don't like it when it happens to me. But, at what point do you have to just say "the past is the past" and let what is- be? A huge part of who I am today is because of my past. But bringing up the past to get to know me ruins the illusion of who I am trying to become. Ask no questions, do not dig deeper, and just take it for what it is. And also, dance.

Monday, February 17, 2014

The Moondoggies at Tractor

I was introduced to The Moondoggies almost a year ago.

They have a very countryesque blues sound to their music and I actually groove on it big time. The rhythm is catchy in a non pop way. I can still dance to some of their songs, but mostly I enjoy how easily I can just kick it and chill with a giant cup of coffee.

My affinity for live music is intense. So imagine my utter excitement when I found out that they've scheduled a show right here in town. Granted, it's not really that big of a deal since they are from just up the street in Everette. (Unlike Local Natives showing up in Italy.) But still, I was pumped! Ticket was purchased immediately.

I spent my Valentine's Day surrounded by obnoxious couples in a tiny little tavern in Ballard. It was a weird experience to say the least but I was so preoccupied with the fact that I was standing front and center, a mere 3 feet away from the band. The show was just as expected. Awesome!

Word on the street is that live music is a big deal here in Seattle. Since I'm not really a drinker (read: minor control issues) I don't really have the motivation to seek out bars in the middle of the night to sit there and pound glasses of water for hours on end listening to local bands. At least not solo... So I haven't really had the pleasure of partaking in that kind of leisure. Sad face.

However, over the weekend, I did meet a really cool chic. The whole initial interaction is quite funny and putting the situation down in words doesn't do it justice. I've tried to recap it about a thousand times by this point and it's just getting worse. Alls I'm going to say is that I am a firm believer in the idea that people don't happen upon each other by chance. There is always a reason why paths cross and I'm glad ours did. =)