Wednesday, October 30, 2013

All will be revealed eventually

I have a mother who is very much so your "proper" lady. Her hair is always done, her house always spotless, her cars are always showroom ready. She never leaves the house less than dressed in her Sunday best. She doesn't swear unless she is super upset, always says please and thank you, and dinner will be served and eaten at the dinner table with no distractions from TV or music unless it is soul soothing instrumental stuff.

My father on the other hand... Well he's not quite like her. He is not a slob by any means but he is more of a down home island boy. Sporting some sort of cut off fatigue pants he has owned for decades with zories (chamorro slang for flip flops) and going in and out of speaking less than polite Chamorro and very choppy English slang. His pleases and thank yous are measured in grunts and head nods. Dinner for him is gobbled down standing at the kitchen counter while some sort of sporting event is on the tube. Usually cheesy Hollywood wrestling. 

Growing up in a house that was the epitome of irony and polar opposites, it was interesting to see how my brothers and I would gravitate to both lifestyles and fine tune it to how we are today. 

We are all very attracted to pretty, extravagant things like fancy dinners in suits and little black dresses. Expensive cars and fast toys. Diamonds and designer sunglasses. Yet we are all also very comfortable and more than willing to lounge around in one of our garages in bahaki clothes (Chamorro slang for ratty) just drinking cheap beer and listening to island reggae. Allowing our full on Chamorro accents to take control of our lame and pun filled conversations about off roading and "the good ole days back on the island."

Because our parents have been divorced for a long time, we have learned how play both sides really well. Okaasan doesn't like to see us dressed down or slightly inebriated while father gets physically uncomfortable if I'm in heels and brothers are wearing button down shirts drinking bottles Smart Water.

Here is where it gets tricky... I naturally fell into the footsteps of my mother. I developed selective OCD and minor control issues when I got to high school. The image I presented to the world is so important to me and it got to the point when I can no longer relax about my vanity. Seeing my mother always so put together was inspiring, I guess. Because of her, I am the kind of girl that will never leave the house looking like I was up all night partying my face off, even though that is pretty much the story of my life. I like to joke that during the hours of daylight, I'm a "lady" but the truth is the second the sun goes down- all my dirty emerges. Haha... The vulgarity and pervert-like tendencies show themselves in full force. Sure, I'll be in a nice dress but the second I open my mouth it's like a dirty old sailor has joined the show.

The point I'm trying to make is this: You may think you know someone because of how they dress, how they speak, and even based on their actions. But the bottom line is that the complexity of one human being is so gd astonishing that anyone at any given moment can truly surprise you. My mother seems so polished but she is just as tainted as I am, if not more so. If you were to look at my father, you'd think to yourself "How the hell did he make it this far in life?" But he is so kind and willing to give you the shirt right off his back if you need it. My brothers are tough, very magas (Chamorro term for boss, ruler, someone with very dominating presence) but they will feed their enemies dinner before battle. Me- well, I'm the product of paradox. Through and through, without apology.

This blog has helped me share things about myself that I wouldn't normally talk about. I don't know why I feel "safe" talking about my family or my friends here- available to the entire world when in real life, in person- I'm extremely private. We can be sitting at a cafe and you can ask me to talk about my mother and my response would be "Absolutely not." You can mention something about father-daughter relationships and I will immediately shut down. If you try to get me to talk about brothers or my childhood, I will straight up walk away. But here, I can write about it for days... and I have. Paradox.

I think the major difference is the fact that we can all say things when we're safe behind a screen and the keyboard is our voice. But, in person- things have a whole different shade of gray. People can and will most likely surprise you when you're sitting two feet away from their face. Don't let the illusion of what you read or talk about through text form your ultimate opinion about a person.

Daily nugget: I love Apple products but I'm not a huge fan of the fruit itself. It's another beautiful day in Italia and I have less than 4 weeks before I'm surrounded by most of the people I love in good ole Phoenix. I can't wait to see all of your beautiful faces. 


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