Monday, October 7, 2013

How to waste your entire day away

I will walk you through my proven method of wasting an entire 24 hours of life. It's quick, easy, and effective.

Step 1: Watch anything on YouTube and then click one suggested video link. It's over from there. Say goodbye to your morning. I've imbedded a fine selection of videos below as jumping off points in case you seek inspiration.





Step 2: Using Google is too mainstream. It's too fast, too accurate. Instead try using Pinterest. Search for anything but keep in mind the more vague, the better. I've linked my board below to highlight how schizophrenic one can seem based off of what he or she pins.

Step 3: Troll your friends' pictures on Facebook. Pretty self explanatory. Be forewarned though, this will eat up your entire afternoon and you will probably forget to drink water. Peel yourself off your couch slowly to avoid blacking out upon standing. You gotta give it to the taggers- stumbling upon a picture of yourself via the mutual friend of a mutual friend from high school... yea those are the high points of FB picture trolling.
Take that, you big fat ego!
Step 4: Try to teach your cat some manners. Refer to step 1 if you need suggestions.

Step 5: Pack yourself a fine bowl of pumpkin spice and vanilla shisha and smoke it while watching Blood into Wine. This movie is so freaking inspirational that it will jump start your internal fire (that you didn't even know existed until now) to try your hand at wine making. For the rest of the night you will be crushing grapes, then realizing it's the wrong kind of grapes, attempt to turn it into jelly but you probably won't have gelatin. So you will most likely just refresh your hookah bowl and watch some more YouTube videos on how to make wine at home.

Then it's 4:14am the next day and you've just killed an entire day doing absolutely nothing remotely soul satisfying or productive. You're welcome.

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