Thursday, October 24, 2013
On seeing things from a different perspective
I am pretty self centered, I can admit that. You might even get the impression that I am an only child. But, I have two older brothers. I think they are probably the most unique older brothers in the world. When I was growing up, they were your typical mean boys. Hair pulling, name calling, constantly taunting me since I am the youngest and only girl (read: total daddy's girl). I can see now that I got away with a lot of mischief because I was allowed to manipulate my father's soft side for his spitting image of a daughter.
It wasn't until my late teens when my brothers and I started to see eye to eye. And it wasn't until I got married that we let bygones be bygones. I think I lucked out this way though because our relationship now is much stronger than I think it would have been if we were friends while growing up. We have mad respect for each others' opinions and when any of us are having a hard time with life, we know that the simplest way to deal with it is with a phone call.
Both of my brothers have a long standing career with the military so they understand what life can be like for a nomadic girl like myself. They get how important it is to connect and stay connected to friends from all over the world. They also understand how tough it can be to readjust to a new place and start fresh yet again. This is what helps us vibe these days. Our personal struggles and life lessons learned are all very unique and is what enables us to shed light on certain matters.
Because I can be pretty self centered I often forget that other people have feelings. As empathetic as I am I do lack a lot of sympathy. I have an uncanny ability to let my logic trample over my feelings and in that I feel like I'm able to handle uncomfortable things a little better than most people. I project my personality onto other people, because in my mind I think because they know me, they will immediately understand where I'm coming from. This, however, is not the case.
I think I may have hurt a friend of mine recently and it wasn't until sitting down and talking to Brother that I'm convinced, I fucked up. Because I am able to talk things through, as uncomfortable as they may be, and regardless of whether my feelings are temporarily hurt- I can take it and I actually prefer to hash things out. He opened my eyes to the fact that not everyone deals with shit the way I do. And that I have to stop assuming everyone is as calloused as I am.
Rather solid advice I must say. At this point, it's not a matter of back pedaling but more so damage control. I messed up. I failed to see the situation from my friend's perspective and I feel terrible. My friends are very important to me and when I hurt any one of them, even when it was by accident due to my brash tendencies I chose to shrug my shoulders and say "oh well, let's just move on and hopefully I do better next time." I stopped apologizing for anything long ago because everything I do and say is actually exactly how I would want to be treated and spoken to. But, again- it's not always about ME.
Friend, I'm sorry for being a dick head and not considering your feelings. I will try to do better from here on out. I will try to be more sensitive to your situation and hopefully you and I will get back on track. By the way, I could so go for a sandwich...