Friday, January 31, 2014

28 days left

Let me just start off this post by saying that I'm fine.

Something came across my mind earlier in the day and I've been thinking long and hard about my response. I think I've given ample enough time to myself to construct a pretty decent standing on the matter. Most of the time this blog is just about silly little things that happen in my day, or more recently, just a place for me to vent about my #firstworldproblems.

I read several different blogs that really get me thinking and I would like my blog to do that for you as well. Perhaps it's just not my nature to really ask hard hitting questions or to get your mind to go to dark place- but I like to have somewhat philosophical conversations every once in a while.

Today is that day.

It's been 30 days into this new year and I find myself basically stuck in first gear. Unable to move forward faster, unable to stop myself from constantly checking my rear view mirror. Why is that? And more importantly, why did I choose a car analogy just now? Haha

Let me set the scene for you:
It's 0658, and my alarm is about to go off in two minutes. I'm in my super comfortable [rented] bed, surrounded by 7 different sized pillows, snuggled in pristine white sheets. I'm content. Not all that thrilled, it's Friday and I know I have nothing spectacular planned for my day. I stare at my iPhone, waiting for 3Libras to start playing (it's my alarm ring tone). It's usually a pretty decent way to be woken up in my opinion. The first thing to pop into my head after I come into full consciousness is this:
"What would you do differently if you only have 28 days left to live?"

What a tremendously heavy thing to think about first thing in the morning, or ever, for that matter. Especially for me, a perpetually chipper person who has so many reasons to be happy that it could last my entire lifetime (given I live for 100 more years). 

I'm not going to lie, I freaked out and started to cry. Like massively balling my eyes out. Not just silent "oh crap" kind of cry but intense snotty, uncontrollable, hyperventilating-like sobbing. There are so many things that I want to accomplish in my lifetime and the idea that I still have time is my only excuse. But, what if I don't have all that time? That thought alone is scary. I mean, if I try and fail that's one thing. But if I don't ever try because I think "now is not the right time" and then boom- the clock strikes midnight and I'm finito, now that is exactly the kind of mindset I feel I should be in. Enough with the monotony and the "I'll get to it later" bullshit. Really, what's the difference between 28 days and 28 years? 

There are a few things that came to mind that I immediately wanted to do, to say. But after thinking on it- it's the reaction that I will get from other people that stops me from acting on it. I'm afraid to hurt someone's feelings. I'm afraid of being rejected, tossed aside, written off. All because of what I have to say and inevitably the fact that my words will turn into actions. 

Then I started exploring the bigger picture. Slowly I started to get comfortable with the idea that no matter the outcome, if I stand my ground and start living like I have less time to procrastinate on really important things, it would all be worth it. A big part of life is learning. Learning not only how to do things but how to deal with the not so pretty stuff and hopefully learning more about myself. 

For the next 28 days, I want to explore the fact that life is finite. And not just by decades and old age, but by minutes, moments, and memories. 

I hope you join me on this adventure. I can't promise that it'll be exciting for you or me, but I can say that I'm going into it with much enthusiasm and total commitment. It would be neat if you were somewhat inspired to do the same and share your journey with me. 

Until tomorrow, have a wonderful night and I'll see you tomorrow. 

Much love,
CrisM

Daily Nugget: Brother is in town and we are having a blast. 

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