Saturday, March 8, 2014

My new (creepy) hobby

Let me set the scene for you lovely readers.

Right now, I'm sitting in a bar and it's the middle of the night on this glorious and cold Saturday. I'm having some grub before heading to a show. 

I inadvertently chose a spot next to a couple.  Tonight is their first date. I know this because for the past half hour they have been talking about the basics. You know, "where you're from", "siblings", "college experiences", "life goals", "most awesome vacation", etc. 

So in between bites of this delicious bbq chicken sandwich, I try to hide my giggles to their conversation by taking 900 sips a second of my San Pelligrino. It's working so far. But I have to wrap this up quickly since I've been nursing this sandwich for almost an hour and it's starting to look weird. 

How completely awkward this whole situation would be for me. I have been listening intently on his responses because he's trying so hard to come off as a cool, hip, badass. And she's trying to project this hard core, high speed, kind of badass chick who can totally hang with the dudes. They are both not badass by any stretch of the imagination. Even for common folk. 

This "fly in the wall" experience has traumatized me. I will never go on a legit date for as long as I live. I would have tapped out on minute 6 of this date if I were her. First off he chose to wear a tomato red polo and khakis. On a first date. At a bar. 

Not saying that I'm so vain where I would immediately dismiss someone based off of what he was wearing. However, within 10 minutes he no shit started talking about wizards and then followed it up with video games and the hard knock life of a fraternity. He's seen his roommate naked. "It gets crazy." Apparently. 

Now the girl, I groove on her. She takes her time in responding and it seems like she is really into him. She's only laughed a handful of times though and he's been prefacing many of his anecdotes with "let me tell you something super funny..." She fake laughed every single time. I, however, real laughed. But since I've been clicking away on this here smartphone it seems as though I'm having a super comical convo with a friend. Which I am not...

Anyway, I'm done eating and now I have to go to the bathroom. 2 liters of acqua frizzante will do that to a girl. But, I've enjoyed myself so much that now this is what I will do to pass the time before I have to go out and do things. And I will write all about it.

Just for your information. He works at a restaurant and she is a bartender. They are both new to the area. She has no siblings and he has a bunch of brothers. I'm guessing he's talking about his fraternity brothers. He talked about those guys a lot. And how he can knock back tequila like it's going out of style... Life goals for the both of them are the same which I think is promising. Get a good job where they can both travel to exotic places like Florida and Alaska. They no shit said exotic and Florida in the same sentence. Haha they crack me up.

God, I miss my friends.

No comments:

Post a Comment