Thursday, December 4, 2014

Um, yea- being single is fucken awesome

I'm single and I love it. 
Here's my list of reasons why I'm grateful for the opportunity
after being in a committed relationship for almost my entire adult life:

1. Not freezing to death because of a 180 pound slab of steel hogging all the fucken blankets.  
2. All the coffee in the coffee pot is mine. 
3. Katy Perry. Whenever I want, as loud as I want. And not being embarrassed about it.
4. Never running out of soy milk or veggie chips or ice cubes.
5. Using both my driver's seat settings. One set for when I wear heels, and the other for flats. 
6. Taking advantage of the valet option instead of parking 900 miles away from the building. Which also means I get to wear heels all the time.
7. Getting free shit. Like, All. The. Time.
8. Brunch.
9. I can do whatever I want with my hair without subconsciously worrying if he'll like it. 
10. Never falling into the toilet because the seat is always down.
11. Coming home to an all white princess palace covered in glitter and smelling like a bakery at Christmas time.
12. Impromptu vacations to silly places like Pie Camp. Yes, it's a camp for baking pies. 
13. Dirty socks on the floor is non existent.
14. Everything is exactly where I last put it.
15. Always having left overs.
16. I can leave my laundry in the dryer for weeks on end.
17. Dishes are done in less than a minute.
18. Never running out of toilet paper.
19. Boozy bubble baths at 10am on a Tuesday and not feeling guilty about it.
20. Motherfucken FOOTBALL!!!
21. Watching trash tv at 3am in bed with a pint of froyo because I can't sleep.
22. Pulling an all nighter dance party without waking anyone up.
23. Not having to nurse someone else's hangover.
24. The walk in closet is all mine!
25. Being an asshole when I feel like shit without hurting anyone's feelings.
26. Late night drives to nowhere with the windows down and the music bumping.
27. Never having to justify my Ulta purchases.
28. My gigantic stash of scented candles is a thing of beauty instead of shame.
29. Make up free days. All day zero makeup, jacked up hair, and fat girl clothes. 
30. Razor sharp razors. All the time. 

Just a disclosure, when I was married my life was extremely charming. I had a rockstar husband and this list makes it seem like he was terrible. But this list isn't about him specifically. Truly this list is a random compilation of the things that I really appreciate about being solo. Even just dating, there are compromises that I have made just to spare the other dude's feelings or whatever. I'm glad at the end of the day I get to go home to my own place and I have no body to answer to, clean up after, or attempt to impress. Being single has been kind to me and I hope it continues to serve me well. 

Hugs my Loves,

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