Thursday, October 31, 2013

Make up is my mood ring

I think the reason why I'm constantly late to pretty much any scheduled event is because I love to play with make up. I thoroughly enjoy sifting through my make up collection, to find products that will reflect my current mood. The pops of color here and there, figuring out how to use seemingly uni-tasker products in unexpected ways, understanding how shades and certain finishes make my skin look brighter, my eyes seem more intense, and more importantly, what looks just don't work for me.

I turn to make up because it is the simplest way for me to express my individuality on a very temporary basis. Make up is fun and should never be taken seriously. This is my outlet to be adventurous and wild because everything else in my fashion life is constant. I don't ever give into fashion fads, I dress rather classic from season to season. Since I no longer allow myself to use my mane as my mood ring, cosmetics is my muse and boy do I love her.

Daily Nugget: Birthday shout out to my friend Huff. He's an awesome little fellow who is stationed at Luke AFB, Arizona. He'll be getting a swift kick to the nut when I see him in less than 4 weeks. Happy Birthday Princess! Love you bunches.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

All will be revealed eventually

I have a mother who is very much so your "proper" lady. Her hair is always done, her house always spotless, her cars are always showroom ready. She never leaves the house less than dressed in her Sunday best. She doesn't swear unless she is super upset, always says please and thank you, and dinner will be served and eaten at the dinner table with no distractions from TV or music unless it is soul soothing instrumental stuff.

My father on the other hand... Well he's not quite like her. He is not a slob by any means but he is more of a down home island boy. Sporting some sort of cut off fatigue pants he has owned for decades with zories (chamorro slang for flip flops) and going in and out of speaking less than polite Chamorro and very choppy English slang. His pleases and thank yous are measured in grunts and head nods. Dinner for him is gobbled down standing at the kitchen counter while some sort of sporting event is on the tube. Usually cheesy Hollywood wrestling. 

Growing up in a house that was the epitome of irony and polar opposites, it was interesting to see how my brothers and I would gravitate to both lifestyles and fine tune it to how we are today. 

We are all very attracted to pretty, extravagant things like fancy dinners in suits and little black dresses. Expensive cars and fast toys. Diamonds and designer sunglasses. Yet we are all also very comfortable and more than willing to lounge around in one of our garages in bahaki clothes (Chamorro slang for ratty) just drinking cheap beer and listening to island reggae. Allowing our full on Chamorro accents to take control of our lame and pun filled conversations about off roading and "the good ole days back on the island."

Because our parents have been divorced for a long time, we have learned how play both sides really well. Okaasan doesn't like to see us dressed down or slightly inebriated while father gets physically uncomfortable if I'm in heels and brothers are wearing button down shirts drinking bottles Smart Water.

Here is where it gets tricky... I naturally fell into the footsteps of my mother. I developed selective OCD and minor control issues when I got to high school. The image I presented to the world is so important to me and it got to the point when I can no longer relax about my vanity. Seeing my mother always so put together was inspiring, I guess. Because of her, I am the kind of girl that will never leave the house looking like I was up all night partying my face off, even though that is pretty much the story of my life. I like to joke that during the hours of daylight, I'm a "lady" but the truth is the second the sun goes down- all my dirty emerges. Haha... The vulgarity and pervert-like tendencies show themselves in full force. Sure, I'll be in a nice dress but the second I open my mouth it's like a dirty old sailor has joined the show.

The point I'm trying to make is this: You may think you know someone because of how they dress, how they speak, and even based on their actions. But the bottom line is that the complexity of one human being is so gd astonishing that anyone at any given moment can truly surprise you. My mother seems so polished but she is just as tainted as I am, if not more so. If you were to look at my father, you'd think to yourself "How the hell did he make it this far in life?" But he is so kind and willing to give you the shirt right off his back if you need it. My brothers are tough, very magas (Chamorro term for boss, ruler, someone with very dominating presence) but they will feed their enemies dinner before battle. Me- well, I'm the product of paradox. Through and through, without apology.

This blog has helped me share things about myself that I wouldn't normally talk about. I don't know why I feel "safe" talking about my family or my friends here- available to the entire world when in real life, in person- I'm extremely private. We can be sitting at a cafe and you can ask me to talk about my mother and my response would be "Absolutely not." You can mention something about father-daughter relationships and I will immediately shut down. If you try to get me to talk about brothers or my childhood, I will straight up walk away. But here, I can write about it for days... and I have. Paradox.

I think the major difference is the fact that we can all say things when we're safe behind a screen and the keyboard is our voice. But, in person- things have a whole different shade of gray. People can and will most likely surprise you when you're sitting two feet away from their face. Don't let the illusion of what you read or talk about through text form your ultimate opinion about a person.

Daily nugget: I love Apple products but I'm not a huge fan of the fruit itself. It's another beautiful day in Italia and I have less than 4 weeks before I'm surrounded by most of the people I love in good ole Phoenix. I can't wait to see all of your beautiful faces. 

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Tanti Auguri a mia sorella Clarissa!

The first time we met was at the morning meeting for my new credit union branch that I transferred to because we bought a house. It was located in what is considered a primarily retiree community. Business was steady, but our member base was rather... unentertaining, for lack of a better word. Senior citizens have a very different sense of humor. The branch consisted of a very young staff so I thought it would be pretty cool. Then this tiny little Columbian girl struts in with perfect jet black hair and the most incredibly cute nose; perched perfectly above the sexiest lips I've ever seen on a female.

Because I'm a narcissistic girl, I immediately though "Shit, this bitch is going to hate me." Of course, I thought our time working together was just going to be 9 hours of constant competing. But within five minutes of sitting there, she surprised the hell out of me. She was so friendly, like genuinely nice and curious about me. She asked really thoughtful questions and she actually stopped to listen to my responses. I was so relieved but little did I know she and I would turn out to be the best of friends. #soulsistas

It didn't take us long to realize that we had a very similar sense of dark humor and we shared many laughs at our very skillfully delivered sexual innuendos to our older gentlemen clientele. #sugardaddyme Poor old men had no idea what was going on but they chuckled every time, probably because they really couldn't hear what the hell we were saying.

I didn't dread going to work ever during our two year stretch at that place. We brought each other coffee, went to lunch every day, sang and danced like madmen in the drive thru office. It was a total dream. We came up with awesome alter egos and personas that in any given day we turned into prissy British women sipping tea all day, talking about the Princes to straight up Jennies from the block with the most baddest attitudes on the planet. I still laugh about the shenanigans we got ourselves into.

It got so bad that we were actually separated at one point. Like, our manager split us up and made us take lunch breaks an hour a part! What a bitch! But because we were 50% of the full time staff, when the rotation came around for working on Saturdays, she and I volunteered every time and so management had no choice but to let us work together. Those are the best working days of my life. We rocked Saturday drive thru like no body's business! Whispering into the mics, speaking in ridiculous accents from one member to another, putting on wicked dance shows for the massive lines... it was awesome.

Then, the two year mark hit and we were both bored out of our gd minds. We even turned in our resignations together. At that moment, whatever professionalism we displayed up to that point, went completely out the window. We stopped caring about dress code, showed up late hung over (sometimes still a little drunk), and took hour and half lunches. (And when I say "we", it was mostly just me.)

It wasn't the most responsible thing we've done but to be fair it was management's fault. They weren't supportive of her pursuing her Masters and me leaving the banking field for a break through career advancement in the medical industry. So... we turned into spiteful little 13 year olds and it was glorious. We even celebrated our last day working together by showing up in jeans and dropping the f bomb a couple of times to our high roller members. (Funny tid bit though, they actually found it refreshing and one of them even invited us to a private showing of his newly built mansion furnished with imported Italian marble and he made sure to tell us to bring our swim suits to try out his olympic sized heated pool... creep much?) So we went... just j/k'ing. or am I?

Even though we wouldn't be working together anymore, there was no doubt in either of our minds that we would remain close. To me, it seemed like every lunch date we had just got better. Our time spent together was even more precious than the time before. I looked forward to hanging with her because we laugh so much about anything, everything, and sometimes even over nothing at all.

She and I haven't seen in each other in 2 years but we talk everyday. I'm getting ready to skip over to Phoenix to spend Thanksgiving with her this year. There will be tears (5 bucks says she'll cry first), so much hugging our bodies will morph into one lopsided glob of girl, and laughter like a couple of irie hyenas.

Claire Bear, I hope you have a wonderful birthday today. I love and miss you to pieces you sexy Columbian Bam Bam! I shall see you soon! #ifly #beaties #dsfcu

Monday, October 28, 2013

Doing no harm

[...We are in a time of renewal, tending to matters of the past, that eventually, must be left behind.
We're plunged, once again into states of dis-equillibrium, entering into mysterious waters.
Our personalities are tested for strength and adaptability.]

I'm not religious. I was raised in a rather ironic Catholic household. I mean, sure my parents tried to do their best at showing us how to live a life serving God but even at 4, I realized the conflict. The conflict of my father drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette (thy body is a temple?) before heading to Sunday Mass. The conflict of my mother hiding (do not lie, do not steal) the shopping bags full of new clothes and shoes that we couldn't afford in the trunk of her car. They were clearly misguided, but in our culture questions could not be asked. My parents did things the way their parents did things, which was the way their parents did things. No one stopped to question why. 

There is not much that I remember about my childhood because when I turned 14, I pretty much stopped giving a shit. I dumped all the things that caused my heart rate to skyrocket and told myself to start over. It became so undeniably obvious that my parents had no clue about life and how to cultivate a curious mind. The phrase "because I said so" was so frequently thrown around and I started to rebel. "Because I said so" is not a valid reason to be used, ever, in my opinion.

I started to seek answers for myself which took me on a wild spiritual journey. I sought out anything that could open the gates of my boundless mind and allow it to explore alternate ways of seeing things. The Bible says this, my great grandfather did things this way, my heritage condones such and such... But why??? All I wanted was just greater insight to the way things were being done. It wasn't a matter of changing anything about everything, it was just a curiosity that craved constant attention.

I believe in energy, cosmic tides, the moon and all that astrological jazz. I feel like even though there is no sound proof (science), the attempted explanations offer me what I feel is more accurate information than anything a religion could spit at me. I'm pretty in tune with my emotions and when I wake up in a weird mood, with something or someone so strong on my mind that I haven't thought of in years- I evaluate what my stars are doing, not some interpretation of what Jesus supposedly did centuries ago.

The excerpt above is from a columnist I sporadically follow. I don't hold on to her words like they are law, but I definitely appreciate how she seems to hit the nail on the head in terms of what is happening in my life. Sure, it can be argued that horoscopes are so vaguely written to con "people like me" into believing what we want to believe. But, can't that be said for religion as well? All it is- is someone's interpretation of what someone else believes. If you're cool with it- so am I.

This week, it was as if Risa was speaking exclusively to me about the haps in my life. I am not worried about her predictions and I'm taking her advice with a grain of salt. I just find it so interesting that as she is speaking it, I am living it- 5,000 miles away. No connection, no knowledge of either of our existence in each other's lives. Yet, so on point. I like that.

Mysterious waters??? Bring it.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Well, this is just ridiculous

Thursday? Ugh, Thursday was my last blog post. So much for daily blogging. =/ In my defense I have been super busy. I had to work all weekend and there was absolutely no time to do anything else.

This week should be better though. I have a random job in the middle of the week but it's easy as pie so I am excited to get a bunch of posts out that I've been working on. Which reminds me- "must charge camera battery." That's right- road trip this week!

I have a niece- her name is Noelani. She will be two years old next month. Noelani and I share an uncanny resemblance. Most people think she is my daughter because we look so much alike. If you compare my baby photos to a photo of her today it's practically impossible to tell who is who.

Living abroad has so many perks and I never regret being here. Although, I miss my brothers and feel terrible for not being present for the birth of my only bloodline niece, we try our very best to keep me as active in her life as possible. Six months after she was born I did make a trip out to Texas to see her. Up until then I got to see her via Skype and a billion pictures. I was so smitten with her and how adorable she is. It wasn't until I held her for the first time that my heart melted completely. I had no idea I could love someone so much before even meeting her.

I know a lot of parents say that their love for a child is beyond words and I truly understand that. Although, Noelani is not my kid, I love this little girl so much- it hurts. She is a wild spirit and so full of life. There are many times that we are FaceTiming that I'm just so baffled by how beautiful and spunky she is that I just sit there in silence and watch her dance around. What makes me smile the most about her is the fact that even though she is nearly two years old, she already has such a colorful personality. She can be shy but she already is showing signs of pure confidence. She is fearless.

My eldest brother is her godfather, which in our culture basically means her second dad. Because my brothers are best friends I am so excited for Noelani and how she will be brought up. Two crazy fun dads and plenty of toys that go fast! Although, my brothers and I had a rocky childhood, their methods of raising a little girl proved to be successful. [Yes, that was a shameless self promotion] She is already following in my footsteps of being a girly girl who isn't afraid to do anything. She's a wicked dare devil and a total adrenaline junkie. Her favorite activities include riding her Barbie four wheeler full throttle down the hill (in a fancy dress nonetheless), dancing around the kitchen to girly pop music, and baking and cake decorating. Seriously- this kid! LOOOOOOVE HER!

She is also rather open to trying new foods which makes my heart sing! My parents did a rocking job at removing the stigma of eating vegetables while we were growing up and I guess my brothers have learned how to do that too. Noelani is a die hard vegetarian. She'll eat chicken and will try other animal proteins, but she mostly gravitates towards colorful vegetables. Put a bag of cereal and a bowl of baby carrots in front of her and she wouldn't even notice the cereal. This is awesome!

Because she is my only bloodline niece it was very important for me to be as active in her life as possible. Husband and I will not allow the distance between us and her to be an issue. Ever. We talked about ways to see her and keep a strong presence in her life even before she was born. This little girl will grow up knowing that all her dreams will come true because of the example her parents, her godparents (my eldest brother and his wife), and Husband and me will continue to show her. We are treading a microscopic line of giving her a multitude of possibilities versus completely spoiling her rotten. Sure, we all believe that she deserves the finest of things in her life but we can't seem to deny her of anything either.

My hope for her is that she will grow up knowing how loved she is and truly appreciate it. Again, we have a tendency to spoil her but I have faith that she will recognize it when she's older and adapt and attitude of gratitude. I hope that because she has a lavish lifestyle she will turn that into something positive for other people in her life. I hope she uses her beautiful personality to make some kind of difference in her world.

Now, I'm all sad and missing this little kid to the max. Sucks it's after midnight and she's clearly in bed... I wonder if her dad will wake her up if I FaceTime him right now... =) Maybe just a little Auntie creeping while she sleeps is in order. I'm going to give it a shot.

Talk tomorrow.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

On seeing things from a different perspective

I am pretty self centered, I can admit that. You might even get the impression that I am an only child. But, I have two older brothers. I think they are probably the most unique older brothers in the world. When I was growing up, they were your typical mean boys. Hair pulling, name calling, constantly taunting me since I am the youngest and only girl (read: total daddy's girl). I can see now that I got away with a lot of mischief because I was allowed to manipulate my father's soft side for his spitting image of a daughter.

It wasn't until my late teens when my brothers and I started to see eye to eye. And it wasn't until I got married that we let bygones be bygones. I think I lucked out this way though because our relationship now is much stronger than I think it would have been if we were friends while growing up. We have mad respect for each others' opinions and when any of us are having a hard time with life, we know that the simplest way to deal with it is with a phone call.

Both of my brothers have a long standing career with the military so they understand what life can be like for a nomadic girl like myself. They get how important it is to connect and stay connected to friends from all over the world. They also understand how tough it can be to readjust to a new place and start fresh yet again. This is what helps us vibe these days. Our personal struggles and life lessons learned are all very unique and is what enables us to shed light on certain matters.

Because I can be pretty self centered I often forget that other people have feelings. As empathetic as I am I do lack a lot of sympathy. I have an uncanny ability to let my logic trample over my feelings and in that I feel like I'm able to handle uncomfortable things a little better than most people. I project my personality onto other people, because in my mind I think because they know me, they will immediately understand where I'm coming from. This, however, is not the case.

I think I may have hurt a friend of mine recently and it wasn't until sitting down and talking to Brother that I'm convinced, I fucked up. Because I am able to talk things through, as uncomfortable as they may be, and regardless of whether my feelings are temporarily hurt- I can take it and I actually prefer to hash things out. He opened my eyes to the fact that not everyone deals with shit the way I do. And that I have to stop assuming everyone is as calloused as I am.

Rather solid advice I must say. At this point, it's not a matter of back pedaling but more so damage control. I messed up. I failed to see the situation from my friend's perspective and I feel terrible. My friends are very important to me and when I hurt any one of them, even when it was by accident due to my brash tendencies I chose to shrug my shoulders and say "oh well, let's just move on and hopefully I do better next time." I stopped apologizing for anything long ago because everything I do and say is actually exactly how I would want to be treated and spoken to. But, again- it's not always about ME.

Friend, I'm sorry for being a dick head and not considering your feelings. I will try to do better from here on out. I will try to be more sensitive to your situation and hopefully you and I will get back on track. By the way, I could so go for a sandwich...

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The best days of my life

My Heaven right here on Earth

Did you know that I'm a huge fan of live music? Sure, I have my favorite genres which you can read about here, but really- anytime I can just sit and listen to someone play any kind of music right before my eyes, no matter if it is electric or acoustic, I fall into a deep trance. I get so caught up in just feeling the music flow through me that all other worries and all other people far away- all of it just melts away into the darkness.

Husband is an amazing guitarist. He is self taught and impressively motivated when it comes to his playing. He will lock himself in his studio for hours to learn his favorite music and practice until it is just perfect. Lucky for me, he loves to play anything [read: everything] by Adam Jones. It's like having a private Tool rehearsal right here in my own house. I absolutely love it.

Of all the fun things we do when he returns from a work trip, I think my favorite has to be just sitting with him in his studio and watching him play. It makes my heart swell. He's passionate about it and he's so damn good at it which makes it that much more enjoyable for me.

When we first got to Italy and we were searching for a house, one of the main criteria was having a stand alone unit because we didn't want to have any issues with his music being too loud. We ended up finding this amazing farm house in the middle of no where. The only thing is that our landlord's house is attached to our building. When he saw all of Husband's guitar equipment he said that Husband can play as loud as he wants, just as long as he doesn't suck. Haha! Needless to say, we signed for the house that day.

Speaking of live music... We are pretty much the most ridiculous couple when it comes to giving in to our musical temptations. NIN released their latest album just in time for our 9th anniversary, Hesitation Marks, and I must say I'm itching to catch one of their shows for this tour. After about 45 seconds of discussion, Husband and I decided to jump on a plane next month to see them live in Seattle. BIG SMILES! I really am digging the new album but my favorite song so far has to be a toss up between All time low and Disappointed.

Daily Nugget: My landlord's name is Claudio. Claudio has a cleaning lady who just can't seem to figure out our shared trash situation. So, I got yelled at by our garbage man, again.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Make no apology

I know that when I speak, sometimes I don't say the nicest things. Sometimes, I say things just for the shock value but to be honest majority of the time, like a good 90% of the time, it is because what I say is how I really see things. Part of the reason why I am this way is because of the people I associate with. I like being around people who are not afraid to state the brute reality of things. I like being around people that are so confident in who they are that speaking their truth, makes no difference in our relationship. I admire people who make no excuses for their flaws. And I especially appreciate people who celebrate their individuality. As bubbly and perpetually cheerful as I am, I have a dark side.  This is an undeniable truth.

As I'm sure many of you can relate to, there are things that have happened in my past that have changed my perception of people. All other things are constant. It is the people in our lives that make the most impact on how we think, how we feel, how we act- if we allow that to happen. This can be a good thing but it's easier to default and blame others for our sadness.

Reflecting on my actions over the past few years and assessing the kind of person I am today, I make no apologies. I am finally at the point in my life when I can truly say that the people I've chosen to keep in my life are the ones that will stand by me, through thick and thin, forever more. It is still a constant challenge to remind myself that although things might not have worked out with so and so, there is a reason why our paths crossed in the first place. It might not always go in my favor, their presence might not have been to enhance my life but perhaps it was for me to show that person how not to be. I am aware of this and I make no apologies for that either.

What I didn't realize until now is that the reason why I am so comfortable with being so damn vulgar and down right mean, is because no matter what- those people, my best friends, my soul sisters, my darling husband- all of them love me, all of me, all my dark, tainted, and broken pieces. I spit a big game about being independent but when it comes down to the cold hard truth, I'm held together by these amazing people.

Perhaps it's just this weather that has me so melancholy. Perhaps it's all the changes that I know are coming my way. Perhaps it's just because I'm a fucken drama queen. In any way, I have made peace with the person I am; the irony of my personality, the challenge that I present to people all around me. I'm not hiding behind a mask any more. And you know what? You shouldn't either.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Oh, this is nice

Alright, I dropped off the planet for the last two days. My sincerest apologies. Husband is home now so I fear that I will not have time for my daily blog posts. This can't be a bad thing, right? =)

So, the first 24 hours after his triumphant return have been a total blur for me. I have no idea what on earth I was freaking out about. He is incredible!

A mere four hours after I finally fell asleep I was woken up by a very nervous voice quietly greeting me on the other line. It was a friend calling me at 6am to get out of bed. It was the most important 6am wake up call of my life. My friends know me all too well to let my lack of time management ruin this glorious day. So terribly tired, I finally pulled myself out of bed and started to get ready. Haphazardly throwing goop on my face and trying to figure out how to work my hair straightener at 6am was interesting to say the least. Finally, the sun comes up at 7:30am and I'm dressed and ready to go. Husband's plane isn't scheduled to land for another two hours. Butterflies galore I couldn't even breathe.

I tried to fill the time with mundane morning routine stuff but all I could do was just sit quietly in my living room... watching my pet children sleep so soundly cuddled up together by the heaters. I wish I was still in bed... thought about it too but I ended up baking a cake. Something I do when I'm in need of calmness and recalibration. It did me good too. I checked my phone, 8:45am- it's finally time. Heart pounding out of my chest, I clean up quickly and warm up my car. Sifting through my iPod, I decided on OMAM for the drive tunes. This was a good idea. It's uppity but not too poppy- great for this particular morning.

About 15 minutes out from arriving at the base I get a phone call. It's Husband's shop- kid said "His flight got pushed back and won't be in until 10:40am." I immediately laugh. This was all a ruse! Again, my friends know me all too well. They have yet to admit it, but I know they all gathered and came up with this elaborate plan to get me up and out of bed in plenty of time to primp and get myself ready to go with so much time to spare that it would be impossible for me to be late. I couldn't even be mad at any of them- they are brilliant! Their plan soooo worked! I took a minor detour to the nearest cafe and sat there just enjoying the chilly fall morning that promised lots of sunshine for the rest of the day.

Two giant cappuccinos later it was 10am. FINALLY- it's time. I paid my tab and restarted the OMAM. The burst of caffeine didn't hit me until I was standing in Husband's shop, surrounded by all the guys getting ready to go to the terminal. I swear, it was probably the most annoying thing for them to see. I was unbelievably giddy and super duper hyper. My initial excitement kept doubling up on itself the longer I stood there and watched the time tick away... 10 minutes, 8 minutes, 5 minutes. It's time! It's time! It's time!!!!

We all piled into our cars and drove 3 minutes down the road. The plane was parked, the bags were being off loaded, then the files of people started pouring out the plane. I had to fight with everything I had to not puke all over the parking lot.

My whole world exploded when his beautiful blue eyes locked on mine. The smile he flashed me made my heart melt into a puddle of mush. The hug... oh lord that hug was the kind of hug I've been waiting for my whole life! Everything was right again. All the anxiety and nervousness just vanished the minute I felt his heart beat against my chest. LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!

Needless to say, I've been a bit preoccupado the past couple of days. =) Husband is awesome and I'm so happy that he's finally home.

Until tomorrow, much love!

Daily Nugget: When you're super excited about something, the idea of putting Bailey's in your cappuccino to mellow you out will not yield the results you want. Bailey's is rendered completely ineffective.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Nervous, nauseated, but ready... sort of

There are a multitude of situations that would make many people that I know, nervous. Meeting someone new, speaking to a large crowd, showing off an outfit in the common area of a dressing room, lifting weights in the big boy area at the gym, etc. But something happened to me a few years back when majority of my insecurities just vanished. I felt empowered by this new found confidence. I think it has a lot to do with the idea that I just stopped worrying about what others think of me. Yea, a lot of people say that, but I really mean it. Perhaps, it doesn't even have anything to do with the public's perception of me. All I can say is that once I was content with the kind of person I am, even when I temporarily lose sight of that, I hardly ever get nervous- about anything anymore.

I thought about this for awhile, going over many scenarios that used to make me nervous and it's interesting how none of that makes me remotely uneasy these days. I meet someone new every single day, introducing myself to strangers is probably the easiest thing for me. Friendly banter isn't exactly my forte, but when put in that situation I sometimes baffle myself with the charm that I expel. I don't consider myself a 'charming' person because I like to keep to myself most times. And because I'm rather vulgar, mostly.

One of my best friends has this funny way of interacting with other humans, in say a check out line at a grocery store. Sometimes people will start a friendly back and forth about whatever is in his basket and it is hilarious to me because he doesn't feel like he has to participate that conversation so he won't respond but instead just give them a dead, unmoved stare. I've done this a few times myself and the reaction is very humorous and it is a dick move when I do it but still, funny. People don't know how to react to that. And I can see how uneasy it makes them, to have me just stare at them, totally uninterested, unmoved, uncompelled to say a damn thing to their slightly witty commentary.

I had to dig deep to find something, anything, that rattles my nerves. I came up empty handed for a good week straight. Until today... I was shaken awake this morning by this uncontrollable nausea. I was literally sweating because I was so nervous. I sat up slowly, and pounded a liter of water thinking I was just dehydrated from sleeping. That sort of helped. But as I shuffled my way around the house, trying to make coffee and get my morning started the feeling of being nauseated just intensified. And then it hit me. I have less than 24 hours before Husband comes home. I finally threw up.

Husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for 9. We've been through a handful of combat deployments, countless TDYs, and many short leisure trips away from each other. I fully understand how stressed out I get when I'm preparing for him to come home. I think it's important for him to come home to a spotless house, with properly maintained cars, and a home cooked meal ready to be devoured. He's been out working and the last thing he should have to deal with is overflowing laundry baskets, a car that needs it's oil changed, and take out. I'm not going to lie although it is lovely to have him home after constantly being gone for so long, but it's tough. It's a tough transition from being taken care of and then having to do everything on your own and figuring out my own routine and then having another person to consider and compromise with, in just under 24 hours.

This particular deployment has been very interesting for me. This is the first time I've been in a foreign country without him, away from my best friends and my brothers. This is also the first deployment that I wasn't bombarded by the monotony of a 9 to 5. I had to really get creative with how I was going to spend my time while he was away. One of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to military wives' mindset and dealing with deployments is the question of "what are you going to do to stay busy while he's gone?" Stay busy? Um, I'm plenty busy even when he's home- I have a life. I don't just sit at home and wait on him- he's a grown ass man and can take care of himself. Everything that I do for him is because I want to do it not because he expects me to. It wasn't a matter of what I'm going to do to fill the time, it was a matter of choosing how to spend my time here wisely.

Over the course of the last six months I have seen myself go through so many changes. Some good, some not so good. I've adapted a very sporadic lifestyle which is fine when it's just me I have to think about. But I am so nervous because I don't know how Husband is going to react to that. I'm nervous about how long it will take me to get used to having someone sleep beside me again (when he's gone I literally sleep in the dead center of the bed, with all my pillows surrounding me), how to handle hearing "no" for the first time in over 6 months (Husband probably won't be too keen on the idea of driving an hour to the beach at 11pm on a Tuesday night, just for 'fun').

My biggest concern is how he'll take to me. It's just a tough transition for me, and it always is because of the kind of person I am. I can be very stubborn and disgustingly selfish and learning how to give that up will be a challenge. He does try to make the home coming as easy as he can, mimicking how I do my daily stuff until I come around and allow him to change things. Gosh, this is coming off horribly... Listen, he's easy- he makes life so easy for me and I absolutely love that. It's me who's the problem. I want to make home life for him as easy as possible, not knowing what shit he's had to go through while away working. My life without him is full of silly little materialistic things and lavish creature comforts. I throw a fit when things aren't pretty and go exactly my way and Husband is quite frankly, the polar opposite. He is so easy, go with the flow, not worried about the little shit I have conniptions over. Which sounds great, but again, I'm the problem in this non issue.

I just hope I can loosen the reigns quickly for his sake. I have minor control issues... haha, just minor though. =/ This situation that I'm in right now, the hourly countdown, is what makes me truly nervous. Nothing else comes to mind when I think of what makes my heart rapidly pound, profusely sweat from every pore on my body, unable to sit still for a second. He gives me butterflies like no other. I just hope he takes to this different, super random, (once again) blonde CrisM that I am today. I'm definitely not an easy person to love, and it's always scary to face that fact head on. Less than 24 hours people... wish me luck.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Holy freaking cannoli!

Ever wake up and your reflection in the bathroom mirror just ruins your day? Yea, that was totally me this morning. I didn't even have my glasses on so it was still a very blurred reflection, Lord only knows how terrible it would have been had I seen the hot mess I was in unforgiving 20/20 vision. So I put my contacts in...

What in the hell?!? How can my hair even do that? Is this the start of a dread lock?? I was super pasty, which is weird in an of itself since I'm perpetually tan (Thank you good ole Chamorro blood) and looked like a blow fish that had been snorting coke all night. Everything was puffy... and red... and awesome I have a pimple. Eff word...

Today has been one of those days when I had no choice but to just lock myself at home. I look at it like a public service, really. I didn't want to subject the innocent citizens of Fiume Veneto to this wreck. No matter how much I tried to look remotely presentable today, I just kept doing something wrong... Nothing fit on my body right today. Even my favorite pair of skinny jeans just looked... weird. So, I threw on some yoga pants and an oversized hoodie since I had no plans to leave this house anyway. Avoided looking at any reflective surface and just wore my hood all day, shield myself... from myself.

I've amped up my hydration habits ten fold and like magic, I'm looking less puffer fish and more like myself. The pimple, however, still plagues me. Better today than in two. Gotta search for that silver lining...

Anyway, it's almost 7pm. I've been cleaning this house for roughly 8 hours now and I think it's time for a break. I do want to set the record straight. It's a pretty big house and although 8 hours seems like an excessive amount of time, even for this house- I am a stress cleaner... When I'm stressed out, I go ape shit and take it out on my floors, my kitchen, and I ALWAYS end up doing something with my clothes. Always- either I'll throw everything out, or I'll wash everything even though it's already clean, or I'll rearrange the set up of my wardrobes, inside and out. But my problem is that I can't focus in my rage out state so my entire house was torn to pieces, like all rooms simultaneously and slowly I started putting things in their current proper place.

I've made significant progress today and I'm ready to call it quits for the night. I have reached my capacity for being stuck at home so I am going to grab some dinner in town, and relax for a minute because it's back to the grind bright and early tomorrow morning.

Daily nugget: My cats are very sensitive to the stress vibes I emit. When I go crazy with the deep cleaning, they freak out and don't know how to process the tornado that is me while I organize. They try to avoid me but it's so much turmoil that they literally vomit everywhere.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Dang it!

I tried to sit down and write yesterday but I was a giant ball of sadness. Yesterday was Husband's birthday. Although we've spent countless birthdays, anniversary's, Thanksgivings, Christmases, and practically all other important life celebrations apart, and it's sort of one of those things that you don't get used to, you just get over- I was especially sad that we weren't able to celebrate his birthday together this year.

The very dark, gloomy weather we had yesterday definitely didn't help my mood either. Had Husband been home we would have had the best day ever. Instead, the day started with a decent boozy bubble bath...and that was pretty much the highlight of my day. =/

I spent the rest of the day just going about things in a very slow, indifferent manner. I did a real grocery shopping trip last night, first one in six months; I swear it was the most depressing thing on the planet.

Today I woke up embarrassingly late which resulted in my first cup of coffee at noon. Lame. But the most exciting thing is that the sun is out, the skies are a beautiful bright blue, and I think today is going to be a great day! It's still rather chilly which is awesome, but the fact that it's soooo bright out gives me a wicked boost of energy and so I'm gearing up to go exploring!

We are in the final countdown before Husband's triumphant return! 3 days left!!! YES!!!! The next few days are going to be absolutely insane for me. I have a ritual when it comes to preparing for him to come home so I hope I get a chance to write the next few days... and to write about something other than him coming home, for your sake anyway.

Um, what else can I babble on about??? Oh, last week I acquired a mysterious hand injury. I smashed my left index finger between a couple 45 lb plates which sucked major. But, a couple days after I did that my fourth and fifth digits somehow got the brunt of the injury. I don't know how that happened but I pretty much couldn't open or close my left hand. I had to switch up my training to give my hand sometime to sort itself out. It got better for a day and I went ape shit at the gym... and I guess I was a little overzealous because now it hurts pretty bad. My left hand is pretty much useless right now. It's at the point where it feels functional, like I can grasp things but putting any kind of pressure on it makes me wince like a little bitch. There isn't any obvious swelling or bruising anymore so I often forget that it's injured. Ugh...

Do you find it odd that I attract a lot of bees? Mosquitos, I understand. I've been plagued by mosquitos my whole life, but the bees are a new thing. I haven't actually been stung by a bee before and the weird thing is that the bees just land on me and sit there... What do I do? Do I swat it like I would a mosquito? I just don't get it. They literally just sit on my hand or my leg and just hang out... weird, right?

Ok, well- I think I should it quits now on this post... the possibility of it going even further down hill is very evident so thanks for stopping by. I hope you all have a fantastic Sunday and I'll catch up with yous tomorrow.

Much Love,

Daily nugget: I'm sort of a make up geek and my favorite make up product has to be anything I can slather on my lips. A few years back Covergirl released this awesome lip gloss that was laced with Crest and it was my favorite thing ever. I was very proud of myself for getting all my friends hooked on it. Keep in mind, majority of my friends are guys.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Why complicate life?

Why must we insist on complicating the simplest of things? 
Our time on this planet is so limited 
and the people who truly mean something to you
need to know how important they are. 
Every. Single Day. 
Don't ever stop reminding the ones you love how much they mean to you. 
No matter how busy you are, 
how long it's been since you've last talked, 
even if the last time you saw each other wasn't 
"the best time ever"- 
just make the time to express your love.

Thursday, October 10, 2013


Ever have one of those days when it seems like everyone is out to piss you off on purpose? To me, it seems like I'm being punished for being so positive all the time. It's days like this when I retreat to my cave (total dude move) and temporarily push people away to keep myself from becoming unravelled.

I'm a happy kitty for goodness sake! I actually do wake up with a smile on my face and my excitement about the day's adventures thrust me into civilization with a major pep in my step. I think my life should be set to music like in the movies.

This is the result of nearly two years of constant practice. I didn't used to be a genuinely happy person. I used to let so many peoples' actions and decisions affect me, to the point where I'd be so angry at so many things that I just stayed angry and it kind of became a defining personality trait.

I can still hear the obvious truth in Huff's voice the night before I jumped on a plane to Italy; I asked for advice on making new friends and his response was, "Just don't be yourself." It was a great piece of advice and one that I took to heart because I knew that behind his beer scented chuckle, he was right.

I fought every day to put a smile on my face and to search for the silver lining. To find the positive in even the worst situations and I've done a pretty damn good job. I've figured out a way to cultivate the negativity and transfer that energy into something positive.

I vividly remember one day earlier this year, a couple weeks before Husband left for his extended work trip. I was having a pretty rough morning and I had so many things to do that involved dealing with other people (similar to today). On the 20 minute drive to the base, a place I don't have very fond feelings for, I shut off the Aenima album that is usually playing in my car, and just drove quietly. I told myself to put all the things I was concerned with into a giant bubble and let it float away. If it was important, it will return when I'm ready to deal with it. I started day dreaming about my plans for summer and things that make me smile. By the time I got to base I felt so giddy that about a dozen people in different agencies commented on the fact that I was glowing. GLOWING people! If you know anything about the day to day operations of a military establishment, you know that no one ever asks "why are you so happy today?"

My bubbly personality was temporarily deflated and I want to talk about it. I think it's healthy to be able to hash things out. Especially for me since I would normally shove shit down and just let it simmer. Something I know that doesn't do me any good. But with the mental bubble method, those things that bother me float away and eventually doesn't pollute my mind. Except, it didn't quite work for me today.

So starting the day in a bad mood obviously has the tendency to make everything else that follows seem ten times worse. Being fully aware of this, I still tried my very best to be as fake happy as possible. (I'm a terrible actress, by the way.) It's just one of those things that people expect from me; to always be happy. People here have come to know me as "CrisM: always smiling, always in heels". And I LOVE that! Ten times better than my old caption: "frumpy girl who has FML tattooed on her face." I definitely wear my emotions on my sleeves.

Ugh, anyway so what has me in a bad mood? One of my biggest pet peeves has to be part time friends. When your life is going good I'm truly happy for you and I appreciate getting to be a part of that sunny side of you. When you need a pick me up and you think of me as someone who can help, awesome! I'm honored! But when you only reach out to me because you're bored or waiting for something better to come along in your day, that's when I have a problem. I'm not a filler, a fluffer, or an in between kind of girl. When you drop off the fucken planet for a week it's like- really? Really??? And then you pop back into my life like nothing happened. *Judo chop yourself in the throat. Come on, we're all adults here.

I have such a high tolerance for this kind of shenanigans because most of my friends are guys. Men tend to hide in their caves to solve problems themselves and when they've either figured out a solution or have gotten over it, they emerge as if nothing happened. I expect that from the men in my life. It's when girls do it that irks me. Women TALK about their feelings and seek assistance from their sisters, it's the Venusian way after all.

Anyway, I feel like I'm getting completely off topic now. And I fear that I'll just start quoting things from Men are from Mars... ain't nobody got time for that.

To close- get your shit together. We're friends but keep this ridiculous childlike behavior up, and that will change with a quickness. To my other readers, if you're on the giving end of this- stop it. You're better than that. You have a CrisM in your life and you are ruining her day. I'm going to take a depressing bath while listening to Cat Powers, go to bed, and try again tomorrow.

Feeling blasé,

Daily nugget: If after a week, you discover one of your three used blender bottles in your non daily driver, the smell that escapes when you finally remember it will singe your nose hairs and immediately make you gag uncontrollably for 10 minutes. It smells like a bum's breath after he ate a rotten horse shit sandwich.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Music is a way of giving what you feel inside to another person.

 As I sit here on my patio with my third morning cup of coffee, 3 Libras by A Perfect Circle is currently playing and I am surprisingly content in this very moment. Last night, for the 900th time, I watched Blood into Wine. It's a documentary about Eric Glomski and Maynard Keenan's pursuit of growing grapes in the high desert of northern Arizona. I'm not a wine maker, and you can barely even call me a wine drinker. My motive behind watching this movie over and over again is simply because of how inspirational it is. To me, it's a legit feel good kind of movie.
     My life can become stagnant even amidst the constant exploring of this great country. Even in travel itself, there is always a routine. When I feel like it's time for a refreshing boost of creative energy, the first thing I turn to is music. New music, old music, movies about music, and even the act of making music. Blood into Wine does that for me. It's that encouraging kick in the ass that says "You know what girl, you got this."
One of my very first high priority tasks on my hobby bucket list was the learn how to play the piano. It was something I have always wanted to do and envied about those who it came naturally to. Playing any kind of instrument does not come naturally to me whatsoever. I'm a rather logical thinker so the understanding and reading sheet music was easy enough to grasp, but hearing something and replicating it on the ivory keys is still a challenge. Jimi Hendrix didn't know how to read music but he was born with that gifted ear and he made incredible sounds with his strat. I hope to get to that point one day with my playing. To feel it and just play...
     I guess I haven't noticed this before because music has always been a constant in this house as the sky is blue, but Husband and I are very musical people. He also found a great sense of peace with it and it calms him down the same way it does for me. Listening to great music is one of our favorite shared past times. But even more so, the ability to turn sounds into a melodic and magical thing is something that we both love and love to share with each other. 

     I'm a bit more reserved than Husband is when it comes to playing in front of an audience. Personally, I play just for me. I play because it is a self soothing behavior of mine. I hardly ever play when anyone besides Husband is here, and even then I'm a little reluctant. He still gives me butterflies after all...

     One of the greatest feelings for me, and one that I anxiously await today, is to be able to sit comfortably in a corner of my house and just listen to Husband play. I absolutely adore having my house filled with the sweet sounds of his strumming guitar. I catch myself grinning from ear to ear, with my eyes closed and just basking in this indescribable feeling of pure romance.

   Music is transformative, transcending, soul satisfying. It has the power to thrust me into an alternate state of consciousness. One that is so real, so vivid... I look to certain songs as a pacifier, a security blanket. I depend on it like a drug.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013


Ever come across a sentence in the middle of a book and it just sends a shock wave through your body because it's as if the writer was speaking directly to you? It has only happened to me a few times in my life, once it was so powerful that I literally started crying. Like, not hysterically or dramatic but I remember big fat tears streaming down my face and I was just frozen there, totally numb.

When I'm super bored or waiting for the time to pass before I have to go do something, I jump on Pinterest and scroll through their quotes page. I find a little pleasure in coming across quotes that resonate with me on some certain level and I want to share a bunch of them with you today.

Monday, October 7, 2013

How to waste your entire day away

I will walk you through my proven method of wasting an entire 24 hours of life. It's quick, easy, and effective.

Step 1: Watch anything on YouTube and then click one suggested video link. It's over from there. Say goodbye to your morning. I've imbedded a fine selection of videos below as jumping off points in case you seek inspiration.





Step 2: Using Google is too mainstream. It's too fast, too accurate. Instead try using Pinterest. Search for anything but keep in mind the more vague, the better. I've linked my board below to highlight how schizophrenic one can seem based off of what he or she pins.

Step 3: Troll your friends' pictures on Facebook. Pretty self explanatory. Be forewarned though, this will eat up your entire afternoon and you will probably forget to drink water. Peel yourself off your couch slowly to avoid blacking out upon standing. You gotta give it to the taggers- stumbling upon a picture of yourself via the mutual friend of a mutual friend from high school... yea those are the high points of FB picture trolling.
Take that, you big fat ego!
Step 4: Try to teach your cat some manners. Refer to step 1 if you need suggestions.

Step 5: Pack yourself a fine bowl of pumpkin spice and vanilla shisha and smoke it while watching Blood into Wine. This movie is so freaking inspirational that it will jump start your internal fire (that you didn't even know existed until now) to try your hand at wine making. For the rest of the night you will be crushing grapes, then realizing it's the wrong kind of grapes, attempt to turn it into jelly but you probably won't have gelatin. So you will most likely just refresh your hookah bowl and watch some more YouTube videos on how to make wine at home.

Then it's 4:14am the next day and you've just killed an entire day doing absolutely nothing remotely soul satisfying or productive. You're welcome.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Just because I'm a drama queen...

Sundays always seem to be the day when things from my past come back into my mind. Most of the time it's stuff that makes me laugh. Other times, like today, it's about things I wish I would have done differently.

A few weeks back a friend of mine posted an article that struck a major chord with me. It talks about entitlement and our unrealistic expectations of daily situations. I thought I had written something awesome and this guy hacked into my blog and stole it from me because it was exactly how I feel. His opening line "As much as I hate to admit it I'm a shitty person by default." My jaw dropped- seriously, did I write this??? I feel the exact same way! That line is my truth.

I'm at a point in my life when I have the opportunity to do things precisely how I want to. If I don't feel like waking up until noon, I don't. If I don't want to go out to dinner for the fourth day in a row, I have sushi delivered. If this particular dress doesn't go with my current hair color, I go buy one that does.

Not to plagiarize or anything but Lengstorf said it best, "I'm not telling you this to brag about my life. I'm trying to paint a picture of what an entitled asshole I can be."

You should take a minute to check out the article. It's brilliant.

I had a pretty shitty past couple of days. I've been in the worst mood and I started complaining... about everything. Yesterday I finally pulled myself out of bed and forced myself to do something, anything... The hair, makeup, and outfit was a good start but I was still bitter. I could still hear the negativity in the back of my mind, "I wish I had longer hair, I wish I had that YSL lipstick, I wish I had that gray leather jacket I saw in Florence..." Goodness! What a ridiculous, materialistic brat I was being.

I knew I was going to run into people- that was the plan. Go out, be social- it tends to make me feel better. But, I didn't want to complain I didn't want to be that girl that puts a damper on someone's day with my #firstworldproblems. So I started thinking about what Lengstorf said. I started thinking of the good stuff that has happened to me the past few days despite the sour mood I was in. Slowly, I started to feel less blasé.

I wear my emotions on my sleeves and luckily for you I'm usually always bubbly. I'm not one for fake happy, or fake anything really (says the girl who is in love with false eyelashes, but that's besides the point...haha). But the notion of "fake it till you make it" can be useful and it proved to be so yesterday. The more I forced myself to focus on the good that's happened thus far in my day, the more good stuff kept happening. Weird, huh?

The kicker was the random yet very pleasant conversation I had with a stranger in the parking lot. I just came from the commissary, a place I don't necessarily like going to, and especially not on the weekends. On my trek back to the car, I reflected on the little things that made this typically daunting task, good. They had an amazing selection of eggplants, almond butter was back in stock, toilet paper was on sale, and the lines were short and moved quickly. I smiled to myself a couple times, and when I got to my car there was a guy rushing by but he actually stopped to ask me what's got me so happy. Apparently, he's never seen anyone come out of the commissary looking so pleased before. True statement, I've never seen it either!

He noticed the cupcake charm hanging from my rear view mirror which sparked a very funny conversation about cupcakes- his kryptonite and my passion! He started talking about one of the best cupcakes he's ever had which he purchased at a bake sale last year. As it turns out, he was referring to the bake sale I spear headed for the AKG memorial golf tournament. And the best cupcake he's ever had? Yea, I made that. I have never heard anyone talk about my cupcakes the way he did. It was almost creepy haha. That was the best part of my day. Getting to hear about how doing what I love to do makes someone so happy that they went on a bake sale raid for months in hopes of finding that elusive cupcake.

That simple act of searching for the good in any situation, as little as it may be turned into a snowball of positivity. I rode that high for the rest of the day. I went to bed happy, woke up refreshed and I'm sitting here still happy as a clam. Kind of bummed, though because had I forced myself to be positive sooner, who knows what other really good stuff could have happened.

Instead of sharing the complaints, try sharing the love. When you highlight the good in your day, try to share that with someone. Your positivity has the ability to turn someone's sour mood into their best day ever.

Much love and gratitude,

Daily Nugget: Three good things that have happened in my day: I had a very delicious breakfast, I have heat in my house, and my animal children are very lovey dovey and can't get enough of my snuggles this morning.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Yes Chef! Right away Chef! The kitchen is my happy place.

I love to be in the kitchen.
Whether it's cooking, baking, or eating- I love it all.
My hope is that one day I'll be able to go to culinary school and finally turn this passion of food into a soul satisfying career.
I have had the opportunity to do that on a small scale with the little baking adventure I'm currently on. And with every cake I bake, my enthusiasm in the kitchen amplifies.

Recently, I was able to sneak into a friend's kitchen and help him make one of his best selling deserts. Semifreddo with a caramelized walnuts and roasted pistachios!

I tend to make friends in the culinary field probably because when I find a place I enjoy eating at, I become a frequent visitor. So much so, that it's not unusual for me to walk into a restaurant and within minutes of being seated my order has already been placed for me. Don't get me wrong, I definitely bounce all over a menu and try as much as I can within reason (there are a few things I absolutely will not eat: veal, pork, and anything fried) but overall I'm pretty consistent.

While I lived in America, I wasn't as privileged as I am here. In Italy, the restaurants are usually manned by the owners and their families. There is a great sense of pride in operating a restaurant and you can definitely tell by their attention to detail. Be it the atmosphere, the food preparation and plating, or fabulous customer care. I can truly say that I've never encountered poor customer service ANYWHERE in Italy thus far.

Hanging with Mario and getting to do all the prep work for his best selling desert was very cool. He's a very focused chef who runs a well oiled kitchen. We were cooking the sugar down for the walnuts, and I realized we were too tense. Working with sugar is a serious thing- something we laughed about because we both had the most serious faces on. We both have war stories about sugar disasters. I had to do something to lighten the mood- enhance the experience. Apparently, listening to girly pop music and dancing around an industrial kitchen is a new thing for him so he just laughed and I'm sure he called me a "werido" in Romanian several times. But no matter, we had a great time and I can't wait to do it again!

Friday, October 4, 2013

Fail: Draw your typical day.

Yesterday's post was another random facts thing and the last question wasn't really a question but a task. I was supposed to draw my typical day.

Today is Friday and typically what happens on Fridays is a whirlwind of activity that is fueled by lots of coffee and music. I work every weekend, which for me starts on Thursday morning and ends Sunday afternoon. Except for this weekend- I finally have a free one! Yes!

Because I am not an artist and after wasting half an hour trying to draw my day I'm tapping out and I'm just going to write about what I've done so far and what else I have to do. I really did try though and it was such a pathetic jumbo of weird disproportionate stick figures that it wouldn't have made sense anyway.

My Friday mornings start early with an hour long sunrise yoga session. I have learned that as much as I enjoy my work, it gets very stressful so I try to start the weekend with a sense of zen. After yoga, I usually go for a nice morning run. Today, however, it was a lot colder than I can appreciate so I actually didn't go. Instead, I sat in my office and looked over my calendar and organized the next few weeks of my life. After about an hour, I went downstairs for breakfast. I had scrambled eggs and a bowl of steal cut oats and two very delicious cups of coffee.

Typically, coffee hour is spent in town (to allow my cakes to cool completely before decorating) and before I head to lunch. But apparently, today I'm not sticking to my routine. It's now 2pm and I'm just about ready to head out for the day. After I post this, of course.

I have to make a couple quick stops in shops around the area. I'm putting together a little care package for a friend so I want to include a lot of my favorite things. Then it's off to Aviano to tackle the dreaded dependapotomus duties of a military wife. This typically includes recharging my phone with minutes, checking the mail, and doing a quick shopping trip to the commissary. My dog went through her food a lot quicker this week for some weird reason so I have to cook her dinner tonight. While I'm doing that, I want to make a massive feast for myself. I'm not quite sure what I'll end up making but it will be fantastic. It's been a long time since I've made anything elaborate so I'm excited.

I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights, one because I'm still searching for that damn turn table but besides that I'm just a little scatter brained at the moment and my mind likes to visit these things during the peak hours of 11pm thru 2am. So I'm skipping my nap, something that typically happens after I've delivered my Friday cakes. The hope is that I'll get sleepy at a normal hour tonight and finally catch some serious zzz.

My plan for the rest of the day after my errands is to have a wicked bubble bath, the weather is absolutely perfect for it. Perhaps I'll have a boozy bubble bath- I'm not planning on doing ANYTHING all weekend. I have the latest episode of Grey's downloading as I write so that'll be dinner entertainment. I have to squeeze in my PM HIIT workout sometime as well, I've got a 1000 rep challenge today. Sweet.

Well, lovelies- that's all I've got for you today. Hopefully I have something more interesting to tell you tomorrow. Day 5 of daily blogging and it's going well!

Thanks for stopping by. Talk soon.

Daily nugget: I cut myself a shaggy fringe about two weeks ago (I cut my hair myself due to the incompetence and inability for most stylists that I encounter to fully understand how MY hair works) and today I'm really regretting that decision. My hair is very well trained but today, it is the bane of my existence. So, messy top knot it is!

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Bloggers Tag

I follow several different blogs, the content of which ranges from food to beauty and fashion, travel and diy projects, to down right weird- which I don't really feel like getting into at the moment, haha.

There seems to be a push amongst bloggers about "random facts" tags and I've already done a couple this summer, but I figured it was time for a third.

The following list is a copy and paste of several questions I haven't answered before. They are all over the place but I did try to group them in some kind of order. That's just the selective OCD in me.

I'm some what reluctant to post things like this because I feel like there is just SO much of me out there now, and half the time I'm not really comfortable about that. But, as you can see- I've posted it so whatever I guess. It's not like I'm giving you my credit card number or anything important. =/

1. What is one of your nervous habits?
I think sweat more if I'm like super duper nervous, clammy hands for sure and my ears feel like they're on fire but I hardly ever get that nervous about anything anymore.

2. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Since Husband is gone I sleep dead smack in the absolute center of the bed. Like head and foot, left and right- absolute center with all of my pillows on the bed. When I have to share a bed, I usually opt for the side furthest from the door.

3. What is a phrase or exclamation that you always say?
I have a solid sixer for this question. "In fatto", "perfetto", "word", "jesus", "dang", and my new favorite "science".

4. Time to sleep- what are you actually wearing?
The articles change on an every other day basis, but it always consists of the same set up: boy shorts and a racer back tank during the summer and an oversized sleep shirt (from Husband's closet) during the winter. If I'm in the company of others, I have several super comfy pajama sets used only in that particular instance.

5. What song do you secretly love to blast and belt out when you're alone?
This is disgusting, but I'm really into Nicki Manaj right now. I think I'm just trying to get it out of my system before Husband gets home. Been doing a lot of cleaning (more than usual) because he's short and on his way back now so I've gots to get this casa in tip top shape!

6. Why do you blog?
This initially started two years ago because it was something that mildly interested me and it was during a time in my life when I finally had the opportunity to find a hobby. I sort of lost interest after a few months but then I moved here and I found that I have a lot to share. Now, I blog because it is like a writer's workout routine. I use this as a platform to not only share my adventures but to help develop my writing skills.

7. Are you a social butterfly or  do you like solitary weekends?
To be honest, it depends on the moon. I'm never in the middle, I'm always one extreme or the other. I go through intense periods when I can't get enough of human interaction. During this mood swing I will purposely stagger coffee dates on top of lunch dates followed up by dinner then a movie before going to a house party. I'll do this for days on end until I'm exhausted. Then everyone knows it's time for me to recharge and I'll fly solo for a little while. I can't actually stay in my house for more than 8 hours straight so I don't necessarily hibernate I just go places completely solo and I really do enjoy that too.

8. What is your dream job?
My absolute dream job is to own and operate a brick and mortar bakery boutique. The premise is to highlight that eating healthy doesn't have to be a chore. I want to show people that there is a sweet side to eating right.

9. You're in jail for life, what are the three meals you'd want to eat for the rest of your days?
Brown rice, turkey sausage, and two over easy eggs
Friulano pizza (spicy italian sausage, eggplant, and mushrooms)
Grilled tilapia, red quinoa, and roasted veggies

10. If you could raid someone's closet, whose would it be?
Rachel Berry, not Lea Michele. I relate to Rachel's classic yet somewhat nerdy sense of style. Lea's style is very "Hollywood" if that makes sense.

11. How would you describe your style?
Timelessly classic, European chic with dark edges. All the pieces I own transition from season to season because I do not dress my body within the confines of trends and fads. European chic is something I'm very proud of in terms of mixing patterns and colors that are essentially brushed off in American fashion. The dark edginess comes from how I accessorize. Because most of my outfits are very classic in terms of colors and cut, I accessorize based on my current mood.

12. What are your fashion must haves for fall?
I am in dire need of patterned tights. I wear black tights from 1 Oct thru 30 Mar and it gets so boring with plain, smooth tights so this fall I'm incorporating fun patterns and designs. I'm also insanely obsessed with navy and lime green right now. The navy, I get- it's a jewel tone and I do gravitate towards those rich tones during the fall, but the lime green? Whatever- I'm giving into it though and I'm excited to see how I introduce that to my wardrobe.

13. How long will you last with chipped nail polish?
45 seconds. Haha, seriously I can't stand it. I can deal with it on other people, but I hate seeing it on my own nails.

14. What is your worst beauty habit?
Napping with a full face on, and lately I've been really into falsies so I've ruined about half a dozen pairs by now because I sleep with them on. =/

15. What is something you put off doing all the time?
Laundry! More specifically the putting laundry away part. I hate folding so I hang everything up, but I only have so much closet space in my dressing room so what ends up happening is that I'll have a laundry basket full of clothes that need to be folded and put away... but they stay in there until they find themselves in the dirty hamper again.

16. When you fall asleep tonight, you get to choose where you'll wake up- where would you be?
I just got goosebumps thinking of this scenario. There are so many places I can't wait to visit. I think right now though, if I had the ability to wake up tomorrow morning anywhere in the world- I would choose Ireland.

17. Most memorable vacation?
Austria 2012. Everything about that vacation was perfect. The company, the location, the weather. Everything.

18. What kind of stuff do you pin the most on Pinterest?
My top 3 boards: Epic wardrobe rebuild, Couldn't have said it better myself, Girly Dream Space. Clothes, quotes, and home decor.

19. Are you really friends with everyone on your Facebook friends list?
Ah, I'm quite certain of it. I mean, I think I have less than a handful of people I haven't met personally, but we have so many mutual friends that it's practically as if I have. I actually do like everyone on my friends list though, so that counts for something. I know there are some people who have like 1k+ people on their friends list and they don't even like 70% of them... what's the point of that madness?

20. Draw your typical day.
Jesus. Ok. I'll do that for sure and post it tomorrow. =)

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

A tinge of vintage: The search begins

Let me set the scene of how the last few nights have gone for me: I'm in bed, burning, red, watery eyes- it's so late into the night that it's technically early. Outside my open bedroom window, I see the pink glow of a rising sun streaking the pale slate gray skies. There are roosters crowing intermittently, as they always do at the first sight of sun light. It's my signal that I've once again messed up. I missed my chance to sleep again. I'm exhausted, but I am glued to my computer scouring the internets for THE perfect vinyl record player... Says the girl who owns not one single vinyl. *Long dramatic sigh*

Why on earth would I be searching so intently for a turn table, it's 2013 for crying out loud! I was introduced to a band called Pickwick a few months back and even though they only have a small helping of songs to enjoy, they've opted to release their album on vinyl. Maybe that was the start of this weird obsession with a record player? That's really my only guess. But Pickwick was just the gateway for me. I gots to thinking, how amazing the atmosphere would be in Husband's studio, with his '76 vintage Les Paul sitting there so majestic, the blue lights of his Diezel amp stacked on his massive Mesa Boogie speaker cabinet,  illuminating his amry of Russian Standard, James, Jack, and Johnny Blue on his bar, with an old Stevie Ray Vaughan record playing? Sounds like pure magic, right?

That's precisely why I've been up until the wee hours of dawn, so dead set on finding a record player. I want that experience. I want to enjoy great music in a beautiful place with the one I love.

My father had a record player while we were growing up. And looking back at it now, he had a rather impressive collection on vinyl stashed away in this pair of octagonal wooden cabinets. He had this one record with a very beautiful woman on the cover, she was dripping with honey (Ohio Players' Honey in case you were curious). He stored that particular record in the one cabinet with a broken door hinge. I remember flipping through the albums and smelling them, thinking how cool it would be to hear these bands live. I remember day dreaming of traveling the world to hear people make music. =) My chores always seemed more enjoyable while I had a record playing. Bob and the Wailers was probably the most played record during my childhood, next to the legendary Crystal Gale. After all, she is my namesake so "Don't it make my brown eyes, blue" was sort of my ballad. Side note: That's probably where my obsession with blue eyes came from! (And also Prince Eric in the Little Mermaid, duh)

I think I will make this my major new year's resolution for 2014. Start a vinyl collection! Seems promising and satisfying enough, no?

On the list so far: All Pink Floyd albums, duh. Jimi, SRV, Led Zepp, and I guess the Beatles too. Ooo, The Doors would be rad to have on vinyl. This resolution also opens the doors to other artists that I'm not too familiar with like Iron & Wine, Joni Mitchell, and word on the street is that I should look into Fleetwood Mac. I think it would be a cool listening experience to hear Dire Straits on a record player and maybe some old school King of Pop, MJ, himself. I'm rather excited! How ironic though, I can already see myself Google searching on my iPhone "record stores nearby" like a hipster. Ugh. Shouldn't this year long scavenger hunt be done on foot, wearing a white sun dress and a flower in my hair? I think so anyway.

Well, that does it for today's post. Talk to yous tomorrow.


Daily Nugget: I had two macchiatone and a caffe shakerato within an hour at lunch. My heart feels like it's going to explode and I didn't get to nap today, probably because I had 5000mg of caffeine. *WIRED!*